Title: THE LITTLE TYRANT
Tags: incharge bossy mumsaid garden memories
Blog Entry: My mother was a great gardener, and she had our large yard full of flowers at all times of the year. There were two plant nurseries, one involved a short train journey and the other was within walking distance of home, only about a mile distant. Mum patronised both plant suppliers. In hindsight, our home must have been a showplace, with Mum’s flowers and Dad’s neat rows of vegetables. One late afternoon Mum decided she wanted to go to Old Butterworth’s to get some plants. He was known everywhere as Old Butterworth, and although I know the approximate location of his home, I can’t remember anything about it. The day was overcast and chilly, which didn’t deter Mum in the least, but she wouldn’t let me go with her. Hazel could accompany her to Old Butterworths while Coral and Arthur minded me. Dad, being on shift work at the railway, was not home. I was three years old and Mum was quite right in her decision that it was not suitable weather for me to walk there and back, whereas Hazel at 9 was old enough. I argued, pleaded, howled, and generally behaved like a spoilt brat, all to no avail. You can be in charge till I get back was the bribe I was offered to shut me up. A good hiding would have been more to the point. No sooner were Mum and Hazel out of sight, than Arthur turned the radio on. Turn that off Arthur! What for? demanded my bewildered brother. Because I’m in charge, Mum said!!! Arthur turned the radio off. He was 11, and Coral was 12, and either one of them could have dealt with me. It says a lot for the tyranny of our mother that neither of them dared to defy me. Put that down, Coral, you can’t have anything to eat, you’ll spoil your dinner! Coral said we were allowed one piece of cake. No you’re not, I’m in charge, Mum said!!! I had discovered long ago that anything Mum said was law, so I enforced it mercilessly while I had the chance. To my infant mind, Mum was bossy, so the person in charge had to be bossy. Whatever Coral or Arthur wanted to do, I said they couldn’t. Mum said I could be in charge!! I took my position seriously, having no regard for anyone’s rights. Since there was nothing to “boss” them about, I simply denied them everything. There was no point in being in charge if I didn’t exert some authority. In the end the whole three of us were wishing Mum would come home. Coral and Arthur figured that at least Mum’s bossiness was laced with fairness. Even at three years of age, I could see that if she didn’t get home soon, I would have mutiny on my hands, and would not be able to be in charge for much longer. I didn’t have those words for it, but I could read the situation. All four of us in later years found our own means of escaping our mother’s bossiness, without disrupting the family. We all felt the need to get away from Mum, even though we loved her, in order to find our own way in the world, make our own decisions, and of course mistakes. We can laugh now at the very incidents that were later to cause us to wriggle out from under the blanket that was smothering our own personalities. We loved Mum a great deal better when we weren’t actually living at home. In our declining years, Dad is the one we remember with love and affection. For Mum, who did so much for us, we have a different kind of love and remembrance tinged with pity that she never quite outlived her need to boss us, even when we were parents ourselves. Arthur died two years ago today. Kiwibarb.
VIEW FULL VERSION: Link