DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of
your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the
room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully
set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with
the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from
fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh--...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt
heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major
refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It
transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you
attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else
is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm
of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat
to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on
fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you
want to remove a bearing race.


TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for
testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the
ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt
holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum
sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut
on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to
disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:

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