Sounds like our neighborhood..... I have to take the suet box inside right after sundown our else the racoons will destroy the box to get the suet then rip up everything in sight looking for more food.  We had a house in Canada that was visited regularly by a family of these bandits especially after my husband got up one night at 3am and fed then ice cream!!!!!  I thought the neighbors would oraganise a posse if that news ever got out since rabies was rampant at the time.  The cubs are cute little guys, but all too soon they turn into what I call Broad Street Bullies and not  at all welcome. 

Hahaha...

Excellent Barb....

At least you didn't threaten to tan OUR hides...
And..
I'm afraid turtles are about my speed these days...
The raccoons are turning my hair white..

Both Heather and Walt I do graciously thank
For NOT playing on me such an outrageous prank.
A raccoon I don't want, a raccoon I don't need,
I have no inclination a raccoon to feed.
So please send me neither raccoon nor its child,
Which would render my pristine abode somewhat wild.
If you think I need something to cavort in the myrtle
Then find me a slow-moving tortoise, or even a turtle.

Dear Walt;

I'll state that you are truly fated
To stand with breath held fast and bated
For the arrival which is now awaited.
For I would hate to see you suffer
Indeed I would be quite a duffer,
If I, your yearnings did not ease.
Your wish for bandits not appease.
For car and air and mail and rail
All of these I will avail
So please await your newest pet
And when of it you tired get
Then wrap it up in festive garb
And kindly forward it to Barb.
To give to you a raccon that's living
Will satisfy my need for giving.
Her thanks, which YOU, she will award
Will be for ME my true reward.

So sayeth she who loves to give.

Would you prefer her with or without kits?

Hahaha..

     Raccoons.

 ############

 wouldst thee be over the moon,


within your boudoir, find a racoon ?

 that will not take leave and soon,

 or wouldst to keep it, be a boon?


a pet perhaps,or animal buffoon,?

 feed it with a fork, a ladle, or spoon ?

 watch it behave, like a lively loon,


or perhaps, a rumbustious silly goon,

 and human like, a stupid looney hoon,

 laugh at it like an old Disney cartoon,?

 or try and get rid of it, but, soon !!??

birds of a feather may gather together,

but raccoons will avoid a prickly heather,

 What ever decision ye may make,

 it is really a matter of give and take.

 with the raccoons it's always the cake,

 but enjoy their company for goodness sake,

 even if ,all night ye be wide awake!

 for nature in it's element is really great.

 [So sayeth he who has never seen a racoon !!}

OMG, and I complain about the neighbours' canines and felines!
I couldn't survive with raccoons, thankfully we don't have them here. Lovely blog Heather.

Hahaha...Hi Mona..long time no talk to.. We have lots of howlers now again also... They're just coming back from a mange cycle...not so shy in this neck of the woods.. The sheep farmers all have mules or Great Pyrenees to keep them from decimating the flocks.
As for Oppsgal's suggestion about baiting the boot of the car..just one problem..It's a wagon. That would surely lead to another story..in fact...At the behest of my ex mother in law... I once resuced 2 kits and threw them in my Safari van..well actually..only one made it into the van, the other declined the offer. The only problem is..I then couldn't get the first one out again. With the hissy fit they were throwing I sure wasn't going  have them ride shotgun.
Anyway..If they were big enough to put up that kind of a fight..they were big enough to survive on their own..or such was my logic.
Normally I'm a live and let live kinda gal..but when they pry open a door and invite themselves into my house it's definitely an abuse of hospitality.
We trucked away 13 last year and 7 to date this year.
If the recent influx of ex-pat urbanites would stop feeding them, maybe they would act more like wild animals.
Beguiling and cute as wink but a total menace. The critter you love to hate.

When I was young it was common for us and other family members to have racoons for pets. They made very nice one's, too. But if they are left to their own devises they can be a handfull!

We had one large male that always followed my mother to the post office which was almost across town. He was just like a little dog, floowed her everywhere.

Ours also ate with the hunting dogs, cats and chickens and we never had a problem. There's times I wish I could have one now but it's against the law where we live.

That "trunk" idea sounds like it may be a winner!

I, too, very much enjoyed your Blog. oppsgal said it perfectly.

It's been a long time since I've seen anything written by you. Mind you ... I may have missed it. Your story makes me thankful that we don't have any of those critters in our area. We have the howl of coyotes at night, but they are quite shy, so if we don't bother them, they don't bother us. We no longer have any pets, so the coyotes have learned that there are no "snacks" in our yard.

Hope your plan works ...

I really enjoyed reading your blog, Derrough! I hope your new plan works. Those raccoons certainly are keeping you and your husband busy....especially Giantess! Good luck and I hope you get some sleep!