I received five (5) boxes of photo albums, DVD's, Boy Scout uniforms, a baby blanket (crib size that I made Steve, his Grover (the blue Sesame Street character) and other memorabilia this afternoon.
There was a small black box in one and when I opened it, it said, "Mom." In it was a beautiful pin that says #1 Mom" and a note, which reads: "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I'm going through a lot and don't trust anyone. Sorry is all I can say now. Sorry."
For those of you who know my son died 16 months ago this really shocked me! My husband came in and asked me if I was alright. I told him I was and after he went back outside I broke down. It's the first time I've done that in many months. I find I can barely talk to Allen about it for it brings up such emotion. I guess that's why I'm putting it in a Blog.
I've gone through about five (5) photo albums so far. Steve recorded so much of his life after he left home. I'm so glad he did! Of course, he always told me the different things he did and sent some pictures but these albums go into much more detail. I'm hoping this will help with the healing process.
The baby blanket is one my first mother-in-law (Steve's grandmother) embroidered for his biological father (who would now be 77 years old had he lived). She made the top but never finished the rest; I did for Steve. After he finished using it I always used it when I took naps. I accidently left it at his Dad's (the man who raised him) and when he died Steve found it and took it with him. I'm so thankful he did. There's a little mending to do on it before I wash it but I plan on going back to using as I used to. It will help keep close to my son.
And that '# 1 Mom pin?' It still had the card behind it and I've taped it to a corner of my monitor so I can see it when I'm on the computor.
Some people say that these sort of things are messages from our loved ones letting us know they're okay. Perhaps. It shows me that Steve was thinking about taking his life long before he actually did. It was his way of letting me know how much he loved me.
Thank you, Lord, for leaving me my precious memories ~ Junie
