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a follow up to "How do you say goodbye? "
Posted On 02/16/2013 00:58:10 by azjudy
Please forgive me for not writing personal notes to those who respond to my blog about Mom. I started out tonight with intentions of writing but I just can’t. All I can do at this point is to try to get through the days and nights. Please know I appreciate everyone's kind words.
Jeanne and I gave permission to stop the heart med that is keeping that tired but loving heart beating.
I sit by her side for hours every day praying that she will go. I love her too much to be selfish by wanting her to stay. She isn’t sleeping peacefully. She screams and slaps at imaginary snakes. Those that have read my blogs know Mom has a true phobia of snakes. She had a hard life and the only thing that she considered good in her life were her children but unfortunately, her unpleasant memories seem to overshadow any good memories. For hours I watch her grimacing, crying and gasping for breath. She finally woke up tonight for a few hours after sleeping constantly since yesterday.  She tried so hard to talk. When she takes that final breath, I will be so happy for her but will weep for me because I have to let her go..


Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Comments

02/17/2013 15:34:05

Mom too is being given morphine as well anti-anxiety meds to queit her. Sometimes she relaxeswith our touch and at other times we are the enemy. I do not take her rejection personally because I know it isn't her but the disease.

02/17/2013 15:31:53

Thanks   she would be proud to know how I am struggling to keep my emotions under control but would have a cow if she knew I am on the verge of a mental and physical breakdown.  After my niece had to drive my car home becauswe my sister was afraid to let me drive, I knew then I was handling this wrong. I am going to try leaving it all in His hands not just part of it.



02/17/2013 15:24:49

Thanks so much.  I want a peaceful ending for Mom but I have to leave it all in God's hands and not just part. 

02/16/2013 12:00:41

It certainly isn't easy losing a parent. After living with and taking care of and dialyzing my father he passed  after 8 years, thankfully, in his sleep. My mother, who had Alzhiemer's Disease lived for 10 1/2 years. She been in the hospital and just came home when she passed after being home for just 2  1/2 hours. She passed over in my arms and I was thankful for that. But I know they're now not suffering.

Our hearts and prayers go out to you, your sister and your mother. God will see you through this.

Junie & Papa Allen 

02/16/2013 10:42:43

Thinking of you, you are very strong and I know your mother is so proud.

02/16/2013 05:59:51

This is such a very, very hard time for you.  I had sat with mum a couple of times during the weeks before she died...they gave her morphine and she had a very bad reaction to it...sitting up in bed screaming out "Mother, Mother" then "diamond. diamond" over and over and looking so distressed.  It was so painful to watch.

 Does it help to soothe her brow, tickle her arm or any of those teeny touching sort of things? 

My heart goes out to you and your sister and you are all in my prayers.


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