Cheryl

The "Hill Folk" have come up with some great suggestions, the only thing I can add is to NEVER allow Brian to be alone with younger children, (boys or girls), at any time!  This would only be an open invitation to tragedy.

olegeezer

Hi Cheryl,

I haven't read the replies already posted, so some of what I say is probably repetition.  Brian's behaviour is not his fault entirely (he does sound spoilt by his parents).  He sounds so jealous - and probably of the younger ones getting more attention from you. 

It's a tough decision to make about the Easter family get-together.  It's a big call.  He's still your grandson and Susan is still your daughter.  On the other hand, the longer this goes on the more it will "fester" in you and I'm sure you love Brian.

Could you perhaps "stagger" the family get-together?  Say, have Hope and Amy and their families for lunch perhaps, then have Susan come later in the afternoon for something special like an Easter Egg hunt and have specific for Brian to do that would make him feel special?  Of course this depends on the type of child he is, but maybe if he could dress up as the Easter Bunny and hand out eggs to the little ones, or something?????  I'm sure we're all clutching at straws as you're the only one who really knows the family dynamics.  

I know this must be really upsetting for you.   Maybe you should talk to Susan, but it is so easy to "lose it" or be too emotional, thus making things worse.  How does Susan get on with her sisters?   Does Brian take any notice of you or his aunties?  I think that in your home you have the right to set some behaviour boundaries - but all this is a lot easier said than done.

Good luck and please let us all know what you decide to do - it is a very interesting dilemma.

Love, Ros.

Funny you should mention the Nanny, Jackie, I have tried to get my daughter to watch that show.  I do plan on talking to Susan this weekend....wish me luck!!   Why is it when you try to right a wrong you feel like the guilty party?   Thanks my friend for replying to my blog.   

 Hugs,  Cheryl

Hi Barb,

You are right, I have had some excellent advice, in which I plan on using.  I am almost certain my daughter will be ticked off and take it personally.  They have always allowed their children to misbehave, but the girls got better with age.  I don't see this happening with Brian.  I have explained my plan to my hubby, we shall see what happens.   As always, thanks for your input my friend. 

 Luv ya, Cheryl

Hi Cheryl
Thank you for placing trust in your friends to help you with this dreadful situation. I have read their advice, and I know you will see from their words which way you should go. Brian is a brat because he's allowed to be, which is not his fault. It's up to his parents. If Susan and her husband are not interested in figuring out the reason their son is a brat, he will go on being one. But not in your house, I hope. I would not invite that family for Easter, much as it may hurt you, there is no need for other family members to suffer due to a 7 year old unruly boy. If you do invite them, there is some excellent advice already offered on how to handle it. Do let us know after Easter how it all went.
Love from Kiwibarb.

My other daughters realize this is a major problem.  I think Susan knows too, but doesn't want to admit it.  The girls don't like not having their sister at the family gatherings, but understand my position on this issue.  It hurts Hope deeply to think  Brian feels that way toward her babies and that Susan does nothing to correct it.  My girls are very close.  It's like Susan takes everything as a joke when this subject is broached.  Brian is never left alone with either baby, he's never met Cooper, I guess.

He does need help and I promise....he will get it one way or the other.  Thanks for stopping by and responding to my blog. 

Hugs, Cheryl

Hi Gill, I think you are right, he has been allowed to get by with too much, being the baby and all.  The parents don't want to deal with him, it is just easier to give in.  Susan has even said that to me before.  Believe me when I say, I have  offered my advice, but none was taken.  Brian's sisters are older and do not get along with him, because they have been made to give in to him....can't blame them.

 I'm telling you, this weekend, something is going to be said.  I just can't take his behavior any longer.  I will post a blog on what happens.    Thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog. 

Hugs,  Cheryl

Hi Sandy, as I mentioned earlier, Brian does have a form of ADD and is on meds for that. The school really got on his parents  case when he was so misbehaving and wouldn't listen in class, so they took him to the Dr.  I do know the parents have the control to change his behavior,  should they want to.  They have to be the ones to pursue this matter, if it were up to me, he would already be a changed boy. Thanks my friend for responding, I truly appreciate it. 

 Luv ya,  Cheryl

I believe because he is the baby and only boy of his family he probably was allowed to get a way with things.

Hitting the child is not the answer,that will only teach him to hit and those other littler children are in his target.

Time out, and discipline is the key and make sure there is not a deeper medical issue.

What is he like with his sisters?

This boy needs help that his parents cannot give. He is not behaving in a normal way. It sounds as though something terrible will happen before anything is actually done and that is bad for all concerned. I believe Eve is correct. This is a medical and or physiological/neurological problem. It may be something easily handled by medication if looked into. At any rate, to let it continue and do nothing is surely not the answer. A child could end up being hurt. I feel the parents are a big part of the problem, but not the cause of it. He could have a chemical imbalance which can be treated. Perhaps you could write down his actions and reactions and talk to a pro about it without involving his parents? If the pro finds something in his behavior other than being spoiled then his parents would have to listen. Just a suggestion. I hope you find help for him before it drives your family apart. I will pray for you all, Cheryl. 

Hi Judy,

I must admit I had to chuckle at a couple of your remarks, but I know this is very serious.  I do believe men are a little less vocal in these situations.   I have had dinners for the two daughters and not invited Susan and family, but felt guilty afterwords.  It always bothers my daughters too.  I have never done this type thing for a holiday though, where families should share joyous times together.  I agree a solution needs to be found sooner, than later. 

Brian is very close and clingy to his mother, so he may in fact be jealous of her being around babies who need and require more attention. He does however, have 2 older sisters.    You are right, it is the parents responsibility to rear their children and prepare them to be of norm in our society.    I'm going to give my hubby the heads up and make sure he is there with me when I tell Susan the deal.   I thank you for your time and  your response to my blog.  I do believe you are highly qualified, after raising 8 children. 

 Hugs,  Cheryl

Thank you Eve for your sound advice, I really get what you are saying.  It is my daughter and s-i-l who don't get it.  At the schools request, they did take Brian to see a Dr and he does have some form of ADD.  He is on meds for that and believe it or not, he is way better in the behavioral department.  I don't feel that his hatred for babies has anything to do with ADD.  He is spoiled rotten and never answers for his actions....ever!!  He has 2 older sisters, 13 and 11, they can hardly stand to be around him.   The parents find it easier to give in rather than listen to a major fit.  Believe me....I get it. 

You know, I can't do anything about professional help for Brian, because of Family Privacy Act. I have no say in the matter, it is up to Susan and David.   Brian has a one on one aid at school, but his parents do absolutely nothing with him when he is at home.  He sits in front of a TV or some kind of video game the whole time he is not at school.  I too am worried that he will become a troubled teen and who knows what will happen. 

It is kind of ironic when I think about it, but David has a nephew who was a bit like Brian in his younger years....guess where he is now?   He is in prison, because his mom (David's sister) fought all his battles and gave him everything and he was never held accountable for his action.  I see all this, why can't Susan and David see it.....they are in denial.    I thank you Eve for stopping by and for your advice.....I take it to heart.  

 Hugs,  Cheryl

Dear Cheryl,

What an absolute mess and it was so avoidable.  Brian does need to be disciplined and so does your Susan.  From what you've said it appears that Susan is well aware of how you feel and just doesn't care about what this is doing to you and the rest of the family.  I'd like to send your hubby to the woodshed for thinking you are horrible.  (He could take Brian and Susan there too and if it's a large woodshed toss in the SIL)

First, Brian really should be under a doctor's care to figure out where this attitude came from in the first place.  Could it be he wants to be sure he's an only child and doesn't want to share his parents with another child?  Whatever the reason, Brian is a powder keg that keeps getting a shorter fuse.  It is a very dangerous situation both at home and at school.  I keep thinking of the sad children who are harmed by other classmates at school.  Their troubles started at an early age but the signs were ignored along the way and all of a sudden they caused a tragedy and their parents are "surprised"?  I think not.

Parents have a responsibility once they have children to make sure they become well balanced adults.  Sometimes that end requires additional help.  Ignore or tolerate bad behavior and you'll have a Brian situation.  Parenting is NOT a popularity contest and it's been said often that a child will have many friends but only one Mother.  Why is Susan trying to take the easy for her, road?

I would suggest that Hope be the one to talk to Susan.  Have Hope describe how she perceives the distruction that's becoming Brian's trademark.  She may reach Susan where you can't.  This is not a situation to pussyfoot around. 

I qualify myself to say what I did as your friend and a mother of 8 now grown children.  I've said I sure wouldn't want to be a parent in today's times.  God put that "shelf" on a child's rear end for a reason.  It's not abuse to apply a mild correction there.  

True love of your children is being able to let them not like you.  You wouldn't put up with a puppy that acted like Brian, snapping at others.  Why allow Brian his bad behavior any longer?

Judy

Hi Audrey, I'm so not angry with you, I asked for input and that is what I want.   You know, sometimes it helps when an outsider see the situation from a different view.  I'm just tired of it all and at my wits end, not knowing what to do.  I agree...it is the parents fault for allowing this to go on.  I sometimes wonder how Susan can be a member of our family, as she is nothing like the rest of us.   I totally agree with everything you said and I guess, even the part about us allowing Susan to enable Brian with no consequences for his actions.  

Thank you so much, I do appreciate your advice.  I have heard from many, as I posted this in my bulletin as well and that is what I need.   Thank you for taking  the time to answer. 

Luv ya,  Cheryl