A RED NECK BATTLE
I had my washer going this morning early and had gone in the bathroom to get dressed. I started hearing something that sounded like someone was trying to open the door to the bathroom. I was about half dressed and I panicked. After I got my breath I hollered. Who are you and what do you want? I heard it again and I really came unglued. I was thinking Why isn't Moses barking for Heavens sake. He barks every time he sees his own shadow but now when it would be useful he clams up. I'll bet he's out there licking this murderer's hand. Boy Now my mind was spinning 90 miles to nothin'.
I got to thinking that I needed to get my clothes on and get myself covered just in case he (in my mind a he) gets in here. Oh My Gosh, even if I get myself dressed what then. During all this thinking I was still hearing the noise but now it sounded like a swishing gurgling racket.
I decided I'd better just get my bluff in and let that sucker know who he was dealing with. When I get that attitude and my red neck pride rares up I lose all sense of being scared. I'm ready to attack I'm thinking. I needed something to attack with and by golly my Daddies hammer in on the shelf where I keep it. I'll just open the door real fast and knock his brains out that's what I'll do by golly. He's gonna learn not to mess with me. By the way I still wasn't dressed completely but I had forgotten that little fact.
I got the hammer and crept up to the door. I didnt hear anything, Ok here I go!!!
I tore open that door and had the hammer ready to smash his brains out. Well heck fire there aint nothing there he must have got scared and run off. About that time the sound came again and by golly this time it was behind me. How the heck did that sucker get behind me? Good grief. I jumped up as far as this ol body would jump, turned around to swing the hammer. The hammer went behind me somehow and I tumbled backward right on my backside from the force of the swing of that heavy hammer. Well, Might as well surrender I was thinking cause I'm not sure I can even get up off the floor.
As I sat there defeated I heard the washing machine do one last slurping sound as it pumped the water out and heard it gurgling in the bathroom along with the slight bumping in the pipes. Oh My Gosh, I've never felt so stupid in my entire life. I was doing battle with the washing machine as it pumped out the water and started to spin. Mercy sakes alive!!! I am so glad that Don was not here. GOOD GRIEF!!! YEP!
Tags: Hammer Washer Intruder