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Viewing 10 - 17 out of 17 Blogs.
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Women call me ugly until they discover how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Tags: Life
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Dallas Cowboys. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He'd scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE! "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. and the Dallas Cowboys go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghani is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!" "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans." "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,"I will never forgive you for making us move to Dallas !"
Tags: Life
I stopped a man for speeding and I notice he's not wearing his required prescription glasses. I informed him, "I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses." Driver says, "Officer, I have contacts." I replied, "I don't care who you know, you're still getting a ticket.
Tags: Life
I was at my physician's office last week and as usual they placed me in a room about as big as the interior of my first car (1947 Ford Sedan) for the wait for the physician that seems to last for hours. I could hear into the next room and heard them place somebody inside and tell them, "the Doctor will be with you soon, but I need to get a medical history first". I heard the nurse asking the usual questions, have you had this and on and on. From the patient's voice I could tell he was an older man and was having a difficult time hearing, so the nurse increased the volume and continued. I then heard the nurse ask, "are you still sexually active?" and heard his reply, "wait a minute", heard the treatment room door open and he loudly ask his wife who was seated in the waiting room, "they want to know if we have sex?" I then heard his wife reply loudly, "no, we only have Medicare and Social Security".
Tags: Life
 Let's Exercise That Brain Today:
Third Question on a promotion test I took in 1967. Read the question carefully-------- One Hundred (100) people attended a baseball game.
The first attendees were a husband and wife and their two children. Exactly one hundred dollars ($100.00) was taken in this day as admissions. The price for tickets was: Men ten dollars ($10.00) Women three dollars ($3.00) children fifty cents ($.50) How many of each attended? 
Tags: Life
My barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but my barber refused, saying, "you do God's work."
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A firefighter came to my barber for a haircut, and again my barber refused to accept any payment , saying, "you protect the public."
The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to my barber for a haircut, and again my barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system."
The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
My physician after a lengthy lecture demanded I avoid ALL stress. So I didn't open his bill.
I went to Walmart yesterday to pickup a prescription. It was a Neighborhood Market Walmart and for some reason they had the drive in window lane blocked, so I had to go inside. Put on my mask, put on my protective gloves and began walking towards the store. My glasses fogged up, couldn't see and almost walked into the path of a car. Got insiide the store, went directly to the pharmacy and as I approached a very large woman in a very gruff voice told me to stand on the X, they would get to me in a minute. I looked down and saw a large X on the floor and told the woman, "I ain't falling for that, I have seen too many Roadrunner Cartoons and know what can happen".
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