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Viewing 1 - 5 out of 5 Blogs.
Fascinating The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.' The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'. Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Harry Potter and they were fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'. Little Eddie raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Eddie before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him. Eddie said, 'My Aunt Betty has a sweater with ten buttons, but she is so big she can only fasten eight.'
Tags: Teacher Class
Sarcasm is a form of wit! A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically….. "Relatives of yours?" "Yes," the wife replied, "the in-laws."
Tags: Sarcasm Husband Argument Wife
I want to say a big thank you to EB and TC for the fantastic choice of winners in the Spring Blossoms Contest, it must have been incredibly difficult for them to decide on the final winners. Congratulations also to the Hillians who were the chosen few from so many entries......Well Done! EB and TC have once again excelled themselves by providing us with such a huge choice of Wallpaper, Stationary, Quicknotes and an incredibly beautiful Screensaver....Thank you both very much. Betty
Tags: Spring Flowers Contest
CLEVER MAN!
A Yorkshire Farmer is overseeing his herd in a remote part of the County when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?'
The Farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Reet, why not?' The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.' 'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says the farmer. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car. Then the farmer says to the young man, 'Ey Up!, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?' The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?' 'You work for the British Government', says the farmer. 'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?' 'No guessing required.' answered the farmer. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used all kinds of expensive equipment that clearly somebody else paid for, You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows… this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog!'
Tags: Clever Man Farm Cows Gadget
No Nursing Home for Me! About 2 years ago my husband and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone by the rail of the grand staircase in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the liner, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last 4 cruises, back to back. As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on the ship for the last 4 cruises". She replied, "Yes, that's true" I stated "I don't understand"and she replied without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home". So, there will be no nursing homes in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for: - Gratuities which will only be $10 per day
- I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week!)
- Princess has as many as 3 swimming pools, workout rooms, free washers and dryers, and shows at night.
- They have free toothpaste,razors,free soap and shampoo.
- They even treat you like a customer not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
- I will get to meet new people every 7 to 14 days.
- T.V. broken? Light bulb needs changing? Need to have a mattress replaced? No problem! They fix everything and apologise for the inconvenience.
- Clean sheets and towels every day and you don't even have to ask for them.
- If you fall in a nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; fall and break a hip on the Princess Ship you will be upgraded to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, The Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go.... so don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship. PS If you die they just toss your body over the side of the boat!
Tags: Cruise Nursing Home Ship Old
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