• My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning."
• My mother taught me RELIGION.  "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
• My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.  "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!
• My mother taught me LOGIC.  "Because I said so, that's why."
• My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
• My mother taught me FORESIGHT.  Make sure you wear clean underware, in case you're in an accident."
• My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
• My mother taught me about science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
• My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST.  "Will you look at the that dirt on the back of your neck!"
• My mother taught me about STAMINA.  "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
• My mother taught me FAMOUS QUOTES.  "You know the rule when we go shopping.  Together we stand, divided we get whooped."
• My mother taught me the importance of REPETITION.  "How many times do I have to tell you that just because everyone else is doing it; you do not have to.

Tags: Mother Humor