You know you are going to have an off day when you go to get your morning coffee, step on a dog toy, stumble into a frig that has been there forever and get your leg and oxygen hose tangled in  leg of a stool in the kitchen.  It took me almost fifteen minutes from getting up from a chair to broken leg in the kitchen.

My problems did not actually start when I broke my leg.  It was when I screamed at the top of my lungs in pain.  I had landed on the floor rather hard.  My leg being tangled with my oxygen hose was sticking into the legs of the stool.  It was when the stool came back down and broke my calf bone.  Within seconds, Oscar, my pet squirrel had arrived and was jumping up and down, waving his hands in the air and chatting.  All I said, well maybe too loudly, "Oscar Please."  He instantly scampered up the fallen stool, onto my broken leg, onto my arm which was there because I was trying to get the stool off my leg, up to my shoulder.  I got turned my face away so I could readjust my nose piece.  Oscar pulled my chin over to him and gave me a kiss.  By that time Bella, my 30 pound mixed bread dog showed up to add her kisses.  She was wagging her tail at both ends and kissing me all over; face, arm, broken leg.  I had heard the snap and knew I was in trouble.  I made one final jerk and got the stool off but not without another scream.

Sweet Pea, my 150 pound gray hound showed up with Grammy, Oscar's wife riding on her shoulder.  Oscar chatted to them both.  Sweet Pea lowered her snout.  Grammy scammpered down to the floor.  She lowered her head and pushed her shoulders up.  Sweet Pea dutifully picked her up by the nap of the neck and carried her off.  Grammy was not good balancing on Sweet Pea and always took her return trips from the baggage or no windows section.  She always closed her eyes until deposited on the little stair case leading up to the cat tree on the back of the dryer in the laundry room.  The squirrel's winter home.

I screamed again.  I looked up and Sweet Pea very quietly brought every dog toy in the house to me and deposited them in my lap.  I yelled at Osar again (it is so annoying to be kissed when you hurt so much).  Then I heard the end of the bed going up and knew what had happened.  Sweet Pea always put her head under the bed when I was at my loudest.  I had tried to get up... no way.  I have very bad knees and a broken leg with two hip implants.  What is a girl to do?  I butt walked into the living room where I had left the cell phone and pushed 911.

Now, I knew I was going to have to prepare things.  I did not have to worry about Sweet Pea she would stay with her head under the bed until she heard either quiet or me call her.  Bella was a different story.  She had never been here in a crisis.  She kept trying to get in my lap.  No matter how many times Oscar waved his hands at her, (from my shoulder), she was going to ride in my lap.

  I was getting all sorts of kisses.  I made my call with Bella in my lap and Oscar on my shoulder.  I then again pushed Bella to the side and started making my way over to the bedroom door.  The idea was to put Oscar and Bella on the other side of that door.  Then when the emergency people got there they could come right in without any danger of Bella getting out or Oscar causing any problems.  A lot of pain later I had Bella chase down the toy that I had tripped on that started this whole thing.  I said she was sweet.. not too smart.  She ran after it.  I felt my shoulders, no Oscar, and closed the door.

That is not the funny part.  They had me loaded.  I asked the attendent to check one more time to make sure the dogs water bowl was full.  They left the doors open on the abulance.  While the guy went in to check the dog's water.  Oscar had gone out the doggy door and up the tree next to where they had parked.  He dropped himself down on the door and scampered inside.  Once again throwing his hands up and chatting at me.  The other attendent tried to catch him but he was too quick.  Once he almost had him and a squeak made the guy soften his grip... Oscar ran.  He was into every cubby hole and all over me.  He checked my mouth piece and everything.  The guy could not do anything but wait till his partner came back.  I have to get settled and then I will tell you about the excitement of getting Oscar out of the ambulance.

I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face.  I tried to tell the attendant to talk soft and his name was Oscar.  I also sent him  back into the house for a few peanuts.  Soft talk and peanuts.... gets him every time.  Oscar had to inspect everything they did.  One very intuitive attendant said, Jane, I promise to come back and see they are all okay.  He knew my worry.  He had been my first responder before with the snake bite.  I call him first responder but I know who the real first responders were.

Time to tell someone who the president is again.... There is something about hospital people.  They don't know who the president is or what day of the week it is.  Poor dears.  I have already had several people come in so I could  back up the attendees story about Oscar.  Everyone got a big giggle out of it.  One nurse shook her head and said I still don't believe it.  I said to her... "There was one time I thought Benjamin Frankin invented kites too.  I learned a long time ago that  the impossible just has not been done yet.   Believe me, it all happened."  She looked at me, I grinned at her, and she gave up... the giggle finally came out.  She was a tough one.  

I have my laptop with me so will let you know about my stay as we go along.  Take care everyone.

Tags: Humor Pets