My friend noticed I'd deactivated my Facebook. I have about 20 people on it, but no one who really cares. She wanted to know if she'd done something to hurt me. She thought I was down because of my medication. So I told her why I had backed off from her. She said I took her having to deal with her own issues personally and that I got insulted. I said no, I got insulted when instead of ignoring me until she was ready she told me to keep quiet. At the end she asked if our friendship was starting to heal and said she felt good about our talk. I just said yeah. I didn't tell her the truth, that our friendship isn't ever going to heal. I wasn't just insulted or feeling abandoned. I was deeply deeply hurt. I now know I can never count on her again. It's not like I have a ton of other people to talk to. I have no one else. Everyone else I know has their own lives that are fine and they don't want to hear it, or they're too young to have a clue, or they're telling me forcefully I should say this or do that. My friend was never like that. She got me like no one else ever has. I can't just keep hoping I'm not going to get gut punched again every time I need to vent.

So my venting will happen here. I'm going to start titling my posts as Whine and the date. Then anyone who doesn't want to read it can scroll past.

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I never seem to have the time mentally to get on here. I'm always stressed and tired.

I'm on vacation the next 2 weeks, for whatever that's worth. Today I need to clean out the spare bedrooms that have become storage since the kids moved out. I also need to clean my truck cuz tomorrow I need to take it to the shop. Tuesday I can't leave the bathroom cuz I'll be prepping for a colonoscopy I'm having on Wednesday. Yay. Thursday I can relax, then the house will be full from Friday until the following Saturday.

Next Friday hubs is picking up my DIL and grandkids from the airport on his way home. My son is visiting then as well. Hes going to surprise his wife and kids. They haven't seen him in 3 years.

I don't like kids. They're loud, needy, messy, and annoying. And they're going to be here the whole week!

Im also lonely. No one cares. My best friend of 20 years isn't anymore. She's always had issues with depression and bipolar. When she got married it got worse cuz she married a guy with the mentality of a 12 yr old. Before if she wasn't in a head space to deal with my whining she would just ignore my texts until she could. That worked cuz I could still vent. 3 or 4 times over the last year she has specifically told me she wasn't able to deal with my stuff right then. Ok, fine, I'll wait. The last time she said when I vent to her it makes her feel bad and she just couldn't do it right then, that she had enought stuff in her own life that she felt bad about. I decided I can't vent to her at all cuz I have no way of knowing when she's in a bad head space and is going to gut punch me by telling me she can't hear me right now. Then one day I told her good things happening in my marriage and I was enjoying it and we were in a good place. She told me she didn't want to hear that cuz she isn't at that place in her marriage. So I've been backing away from her. Apparently I can't tell her anything but trivial meaningless things, and I have to be careful what that is cuz it might remind her of something in her life and make her feel bad,

Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed. I'm an introvert. I need time alone to recharge. Hubs doesn't understand that. It's not personal. It doesn't matter how much I love someone, they still drain my energy. Anyway, I was thinking about everything going on the next two weeks and how thats not a relaxing vacation at all and I was planning next year's vacation when I suddenly realized I have no idea where I'll be next year at this time. Hubs is trying to get a promotion that would move us out of state. That will take time, we will need to get our house sold, I donj't know what I'll be doing but I'm sure it won't pay what I'm making now and I certainly won't have the time off I've accrued here. I started getting stressed. Hubs asked what was wrong and I told him. He's supposed to be my best friend, right? Instead, he did the same thing she did. He apologized, said he's the reason I'm feeling like this, that he doesn't know how to fix it. I got upset, said I should be able to feel bad without everyone else around me feeling bad. 

So what I learned was I have absolutely no one to talk to. From now on I'm all Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy!

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I was going through my bookmarks and saw this link. I haven't been on here in so long! Seems I have no time, or else I can't relax enough to visit. My life has been a roller-coaster since 2013.

My daughter graduated high school. She spent a semester in college and dropped out  In 2016 she got pregnant. The dad is raising the child. She has nothing to do with her own son! Luckily we get him every wwwkend.

My son got married and has 2 kids. She's a nice girl, but lazy as all get out. She never cleans the cat box so her house stinks, and it's permeated their clothes so they stink too. My son is a truck driver so he's not home enough to change things. We had to get their oldest in preschool cuz she wasn't teaching him anything, not colors, numbers, or how to speak cirre rly. He's 6 and speaks like a 3 yr old. He starts kindergarten this year. He's gonna have a rough time. 

Hubby has a well paying job that he hates. He hates nit being home every night (he's a truck driver), he hates how management has no respect. All he does is complain. I listen so he can vent, but there's times I don't want to talk to him at all. His unhappiness is stressful. But he won't leave because he makes almost twice as much here than anywhere else. 

I used to like my job, but they stopped my line in 2nd shift. Now I'm on a line I hate. They're supposed to be bringing mine back and I was told I could go back. I like 2nd shift. The people are more laid back, and I go to bed whenever and wake up whenever. I don't need an alarm. 

Today I'm working 12 hours. I haven't had a day off in a month. I'm off on Sundays, but that's when the grandkids visit. That's not a day off. I don't enjoy kids. They're loud and noisy and greedy and entitled and rude. I understand that's how kids are. I used to like kids. Now they're just annoying  regardless of their being related to me.

And hubby is such an intense person to be around! He's always complaining about the government  He always has to be doing something  He thinks retired people die within a couple years because they stop moving. He's probably right  but relaxing for a day or two a week won't kill him! He's always saying he has a million things to do and never gets anything done  When I ask what million things  he can't really answer me. If he starts cleaning he gets stressed. I'm not a white glove kind if housekeeper. He wants the place to look like a model hoyse on open house day.

So that's my rant for now. I'd like to try and get on here more often. I don't really have anyone I can whine to without feeling like I'm whining. So anyone who thinks that, please pass my blog by. 

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