Back in the days when I could still put two lines together, I risked the wrath of the Galley with the following little ode. Fortunately for me the cooks on board did have a sense of humour... And did turn out some great meals... and I didn't wind up with powdered glass or silver polish as an added garnish to my crew meals after this had been posted on the crew bulletin board. I hope you enjoy!

ODE TO JUST ANOTHER CREW MEAL

IN THE COOK'S CABIN SOMETHING STIRRED
ARE THEY AWAKE? --- NO THAT'S ABSURD!
BUT MAYBE THEY ARE HAVING A DEBATE
ABOUT WHAT CREW MEAL, TODAY THEY'LL CREATE

FOR SOUP, PERHAPS FRENCH ONION AND PASTA
THAT SHOULD GET THEM ON TO THE MAIN COURSE FASTER
ALTERNATIVELY WE'LL GIVE 'EM TOASTY GRILLS
THEN WATCH AS THEY POP THE HEARTBURN PILLS

NOW FOR THE MAIN COURSE LET'S WORK UP SOME IDEAS
THAT WILL LEAVE THEM EMPTY AND CLOSE TO TEARS
THERE'S THAT PARCEL OF GRISTLE  THE BUTCHER SENT
MAYBE A PIE, WITH PASTRY MADE LIKE WET CEMENT

THEN WE OUGHT TO DO SOMETHING EXOTIC
THAT'S USUALLY GUARANTEED TO MAKE 'EM SICK
YEAH!! CHINESE, THAT COULD BE THE THING
IF WE COOK THE NOODLES LIKE SOGGY STRING

NOW WE'RE REALLY GETTING THERE
SO WHAT WILL IT BE FOR VEGETARIAN FARE?
WE COULD DO SWEET 'n' SOUR MARROW WITH RICE
THE RICE DONE ALL CLAGGY, -- VERY NICE!!

FOR DESSERT WE NEED SOMETHING EASY AND COOL
SO WHAT ABOUT A PRUNE, MELON AND RHUBARB FOOL?
SURE, THAT SHOULD LEAVE 'EM ALL FEELING QUEAZY
AND BEST OF ALL, IT'S NICE AND EASY

THEN WE CAN DO STYROFOAM AND HARDBOARD PIE
THAT SHOULD BRING A TEAR TO MORE THAN ONE EYE
MERINGUE WITH THE CONSISTENCY OF CEILING TILING
WITH PASTRY SO HARD THAT THEIR TEETH WILL NEED FILING

THAT'S GOT IT SORTED, ANOTHER GASTRONOMIC DELIGHT
THE CREW WILL REALLY ENJOY THIS LOT TONIGHT
OF COURSE SOME WILL MOAN, THEY ALWAYS DO
BUT WHAT THE 'ECK THEY'RE ONLY CREW

NOW WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE FOR YOUR TEA?
IT'LL BE A CANNED MEAT AND CHEESE SANDWICH FOR ME
I THINK I MIGHT NOW GO BACK TO BED
THIS MENU PLANNING HAS GIVEN ME A PAIN IN THE HEAD

******************************************************
         Jayseahawk  '97

0 comments View Entry

Thanks to TC and EB I know a little more these days. Hope this brings a smile when things get frustrating.

ODE TO THE TECHNO-TURKEY

GET A COMPUTER, I HAD HEARD THEM SAY
ALL YOU WANT AND THEY'RE CHILD'S PLAY
SO WITH A RUSH OF BLOOD TO THE HEAD
MEGA BUCKS I WENT OUT AND SHED

THE MAN PUT IT TOGETHER, SAYING THERE YOU GO
YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF IT BEFORE YOU KNOW
HE LEFT ME A VIDEO AND A BOOK TO READ
THEY'LL SHOW YOU ALL THAT YOU NEED

THE VIDEO I WATCHED, AND THOUGHT I SAW
THEN FOR HOURS OVER THE BOOK DID I PORE
THERE'S NOTHING TO IT, THE MAN HAD SAID
PERHAPS I'VE GOT SOMETHING LOOSE IN ME 'EAD

ALONG WITH THIS SO CALLED USER FRIENDLY DEVICE
CAME ROMS AND RAMS AND EVEN A MICE
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LURK THERE OUT OF SIGHT
JUST WAITING TO GIVE ME A KILLER BYTE

GOING TO BED, RACKED WITH FATIGUE
THE KIDS TODAY SURE PLAY IN A DIFFERENT LEAGUE
AS DAYS WENT BY AND I BEGAN TO GET TO GRIPS
I COULD NOW TELL PENTIUM FROM OVEN CHIPS

BY TRIAL AND ERROR IT BEGAN TO MAKE SENSE
MAYBE I REALLY WASN'T ALL THAT DENSE
THEN JUST AS I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING AHEAD
AFTER HAVING HALF OF A LIBRARY READ

I KEPT HEARING THE INTERNET WAS THE PLACE TO BE
SO WITH A FREE TRIAL I THOUGHT I'D GO HAVE A LOOK-SEE
NOW B.T ARE RUBBING THEIR HANDS WITH GLEE
COS UNLIKE THE TRIAL, THE PHONE CALLS AIN'T FREE

E-MAILS, SUPPOSED TO BE EASY TO RECEIVE AND SEND
WERE BEGINNING TO DRIVE ME ROUND THE BEND
AT TIMES AFTER COMING AWFULLY  CLOSE TO CRYING
I MANAGED AFTER ONLY SIX DAYS OF TRYING

THEN ENTERING IN TO THE WEB OF WONDER
ALL OF MANS KNOWLEDGE, THERE TO PLUNDER
MY BUILT IN MODEM WAS EVER SO SLOW
SO I INVESTED IN A NEW FAST ONE, DON'T YOU KNOW?

THE BLURB SAID IT WAS SO EASY TO INSTALL
THE darn THING'S NOW DRIVING ME UP THE WALL
FIVE TIMES I'VE TRIED AND STILL IT DON'T WORK
ONCE AGAIN, I'M LEFT FEELING A BIT OF A BERK

BUT AS I CONTINUE TO STRIVE AND OFT TIMES CUSS
WILL I EVER MANAGE TO CATCH UP WITH THE HI-TECH BUS
OR WILL THIS THUNDER TURKEY FINALLY BLOW HIS MIND
AS THIS KIDS STUFF GETS EVER MORE REFINED
*************************************************************************
             Jayseahawk  '97

3 comments View Entry