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Worst First Date Ever If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope
you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably
the funniest date story ever, first date
or not!!!
We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most
embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took
the prize! She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and
the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers,
after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that
afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when
she
gradually began to realize that she should not have had
that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere
with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!
Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a
while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going,
there came a point where she told him that he had better
stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the
front seat of his car They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car,
yanked her pants down and started.
In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest
against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
indeed
was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she
could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather
embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another
sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered
her buttocks were firmly glued against the
car's fender.
Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles
immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her
flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she
had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her
plight and yet aware of the humor of the
moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was
'freezing her butt off' and in need of some
assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover
herself with her sweater and then,
as she looked imploringly
into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the
giggles and when
they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also
were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take some thing hot to free her chilly
cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about
what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place,
both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her
free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date
proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the
fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight
Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants
down. 'And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning
to being pissed off.' Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her
husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show. If you laughed at this pass it on.
One thing to add it's a good thing that Pee is sterile
enough to use in place of water if you ever get a cut and have
nothing to clean it with. This according to not only Dr. Oz,
but Dr.House and would he lie to you?????
Just to be fair. Nina sent this to me. Suzan
There are two choices in life 'Take it'
or
'Leave it A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: 'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.' He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. 'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago.
She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing
he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said: 'Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion'. I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day... I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now... I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew
she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.
Spend some time reading it.
It holds useful messages for the soul. If she gave me something that she knew was breakable she would say. You use this and enjoy it, it is only material.
You will like this one...... ,
At the end of this message, you are question asked
Answer it immediately.
Don't stop and think about it.
Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.
This is a fun 'test'... AND kind of spooky at the same time!
Give it a try, and you'll see how many people you know
fall into the same percentage as you.
Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%.
You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the 'test.'
Now - just follow the instructions as quickly as possible.
Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one..
You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind.
You'll be surprised.
Start: How much is:
15 + 6
21
3 + 56
59
89 + 2
91
12 + 53
65
75 + 26
101
25 + 52
77
63 +32
95
I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's! nearly over..
Come on, one more! ...
123 +5
128
QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL!
Scroll further to the bottom..
A bit more..
You just thought about a red hammer , didn't you?
If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind.
98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise.
If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.
Tags: Red Hammer
I got the news Yesterday. I got a SSI increase. Now I can go to the store twice instead of once.
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have!
I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.
Five tips for a woman.... 
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on! And doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Foot Note:
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.
A friend sent this to me...
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God's Pharmacy! Amazing!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the res earch showstomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food. Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food. A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function. Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys. Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents c ervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them). Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics. Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
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