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Posted On 07/17/2020 03:26:12 by kiwibarb

Arnie finally died yesterday. And we're not going to the funeral. Neither is anyone else. Why would I say he "finally" died? 

Ah, well you see Arnie had contemplated long and hard his ultimate demise, and how he was not likely to have much input into the nature of it. But he was determined to have more than his share of input into the last rites. Oh yes! If he was doing the dying, he was also going to be doing the disposal. Not personally and physically, but he was going to have all the say regarding how, when, where and who. 

To this end, about five years ago Arnie engaged a carpenter to construct a coffin for him. The carpenter duly made the coffin and Arnie kept it in his garage, because his wife wouldn't have it under the bed. Then about three years ago, Arnie figured that, since the day of his final departure was unknown, and to avoid it sneaking up on him, he would start making arrangements. 

First there was the undertaker. Arnie paid the fees so that when IT happened, the undertaker would go to his house, pick up his corpse, plonk it in the coffin, and transport it to the crematorium, all with no fuss and bother. The undertaker would then insert an appropriate notice in the paper after the cremation was over. 

Satisfied with these arrangements, Arnie then decided to hold his own funeral. Well, not the actual cremation part of it. He would invite people to his wake. That was the word, his wake. He would shout his mates a beer at the pub. After it was all over, he could get on with what remained of his life. The invitations were duly sent out for Arnie's wake. His friends thought it was a huge joke, and rolled up for the free beer. One by one, they poked their noses into the bar-room of the pub, saw the coffin on top of a snooker table, and quietly beat a hasty retreat. Only a handful of guests remained to farewell a still-very-much-alive Arnie and drink his beer. 

Arnie finally died yesterday, and we're not going to the funeral. Neither is anyone else.

Tags: A Bit Early


Viewing 1 - 2 out of 2 Comments

07/17/2020 17:30:30

I'm so glad that you posted this blog. It seems that Arnie had a great idea... but not many would go through with those plans. A good reminder is that we should spend more times with dear family and friends, and pass on the tributes to them so that they can hear all the kind words. All the tributes at a funeral are not enjoyed by the person who can no longer hear the words. 

07/17/2020 12:15:36

The best laid  plans of mice or men don't alwlays occur as planned. Bless him for trying to 'handle' the situation. 

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