I never seem to have the time mentally to get on here. I'm always stressed and tired.
I'm on vacation the next 2 weeks, for whatever that's worth. Today I need to clean out the spare bedrooms that have become storage since the kids moved out. I also need to clean my truck cuz tomorrow I need to take it to the shop. Tuesday I can't leave the bathroom cuz I'll be prepping for a colonoscopy I'm having on Wednesday. Yay. Thursday I can relax, then the house will be full from Friday until the following Saturday.
Next Friday hubs is picking up my DIL and grandkids from the airport on his way home. My son is visiting then as well. Hes going to surprise his wife and kids. They haven't seen him in 3 years.
I don't like kids. They're loud, needy, messy, and annoying. And they're going to be here the whole week!
Im also lonely. No one cares. My best friend of 20 years isn't anymore. She's always had issues with depression and bipolar. When she got married it got worse cuz she married a guy with the mentality of a 12 yr old. Before if she wasn't in a head space to deal with my whining she would just ignore my texts until she could. That worked cuz I could still vent. 3 or 4 times over the last year she has specifically told me she wasn't able to deal with my stuff right then. Ok, fine, I'll wait. The last time she said when I vent to her it makes her feel bad and she just couldn't do it right then, that she had enought stuff in her own life that she felt bad about. I decided I can't vent to her at all cuz I have no way of knowing when she's in a bad head space and is going to gut punch me by telling me she can't hear me right now. Then one day I told her good things happening in my marriage and I was enjoying it and we were in a good place. She told me she didn't want to hear that cuz she isn't at that place in her marriage. So I've been backing away from her. Apparently I can't tell her anything but trivial meaningless things, and I have to be careful what that is cuz it might remind her of something in her life and make her feel bad,
Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed. I'm an introvert. I need time alone to recharge. Hubs doesn't understand that. It's not personal. It doesn't matter how much I love someone, they still drain my energy. Anyway, I was thinking about everything going on the next two weeks and how thats not a relaxing vacation at all and I was planning next year's vacation when I suddenly realized I have no idea where I'll be next year at this time. Hubs is trying to get a promotion that would move us out of state. That will take time, we will need to get our house sold, I donj't know what I'll be doing but I'm sure it won't pay what I'm making now and I certainly won't have the time off I've accrued here. I started getting stressed. Hubs asked what was wrong and I told him. He's supposed to be my best friend, right? Instead, he did the same thing she did. He apologized, said he's the reason I'm feeling like this, that he doesn't know how to fix it. I got upset, said I should be able to feel bad without everyone else around me feeling bad.
So what I learned was I have absolutely no one to talk to. From now on I'm all Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy!
