When the phone rings in my house, Precious is the first one to the phone, followed by Sweet Pea and hopefully followed by me. The dogs do not answer it but they do get excited because they know I am up and the race has started. Once I get there I pat everyone one on their respective heads, a tickle behind the ear will ensure they let me know the next time the phone is ringing.
I do not have very good mobility sometimes. Sometimes while I am watching a movie my feet go to sleep. I have to stomp a minute to wake them up before I can start walking. I no longer run for anything, especially the phone. I have an answering machine to catch the calls that cannot wait for me to get there. I also have learned the caller ID also says, ROBO caller now. I always glance at it before answering the phone. Due to our world wide “stay home” recommendations I have gotten more phone calls than usual. I used to get drop ins a lot though. Anyway, the phone race happens more frequently now.
I had not gotten to the phone before the machine picked up the call. It was the chief of police. He is a dear friend of mine and the one who gave me Precious. Most of my volunteer assignments come through him so I hurried just a bit more when I heard his voice. I put the phone on speaker so I could pat heads, scratch ears and talk on the phone at the same time. I forgot to mention this is one blonde that knows how to multi task.... Anyway, he had two complaints. One came from our neighborhood gossip. She was all upset because she saw me in the backyard without a face mask on and felt I should receive a reprimand. The second complaint was about my lawn, which once again needed to be cut. I told the chief I had purchased a new lawn mower with part of my stimulus check and I would also call my neighbor for him.
You have to be very careful when you call someone who is known for carrying tales and for gossiping. I apologized to her for not putting on a face mask to burn trash in my burn barrel. I did not realize that her house, which was well over a hundred yards from mine, was in any danger from my behavior. I then asked her how far six feet looked to her? I had to giggle a little inside. She said, “Six feet has nothing to do with it, when you are outside you are supposed to have a face mask covering your nose and mouth.” Then the conversation went a little crazy.
Then out of the blue, I asked her, “Did you used to be a hall monitor in school?”
“Jane, how did you know that? Are you one of those psychos who knows the future and the past? Do you talk to dead people? Oh, my, I had no idea. Please forgive me for saying anything, Jane. Can you tell me where my mother hid her money box? She died ten years ago and I am still looking for it. We have been on this lock down so I decided I would start looking again. Please talk to my mom and let me know.”
The excitement in her voice was nothing compared to the speed at which she talked. Her imagination, however, was the winner of any race. I never has seen how she developed her gossip so quickly. My mistake came when I made a joke out of it.
“If it were me, I would bury it under the right corner of the raised bed she put in ten years ago.” I laughed at myself for spouting off so. “You really, do work fast, Wow...” “Click” She hung up on me. I looked out the window and sure enough she was out there with a shovel digging up the corner of the raised bed. It would have been fine if she had not found the lock box with her mother's money in it. As I watched her jumping up and down and dancing in her front yard, I noticed one thing...........She was out side without her face mask. The tattle tale in me took the bait.
I called the Chief and told him. I also told him about my conversation with her. He got a chuckle out of it. I did not have to wait long before I watched him pay her a visit. That is not the half of it. Now, my phone is ringing off the wall. Everyone wants to talk to the psycho....All this because I did not put on my mask. Never again.
Tags: Gossip Home Humor
