Today I read an article about a woman of 50 who had a baby. This was no accident, she did it on purpose. She wanted a baby, and went out of her way to get one. And she's so proud of her achievement. This wasn't the tail-end of a large family, it was a late starter. Oh, clever lady! Oh, clever doctors!
From where I'm sitting, this is a totally selfish thing to do, and I say that because I was the child of a 42 year old mother. Here are a few of the aspects of this woman's triumph that she failed to take into account, or if she considered them, she arrogantly felt they wouldn't apply in her case. But her child could feel the same as I did.
Growing up, I knew my mother was older than any other kid's mother. Maybe this should not have bothered me, but, it being in the nature of children to want to conform, and being "different" in other respects from most children, it bothered me immensely.
I had no grandparents, because my mother's parents were dead and my father's mother lived in England, well and truly out of reach.
My mother had grey hair and wrinkles, and was old enough to be my granny, and I was highly sensitive about it. At age 14, I envied my school friend because her mother was 38 and mine was 56.
I was convinced that the reason my mother never played bowls like all the other mothers, was because she was too old. My mother dressed differently from other mothers, her clothes were old-fashioned, her shoes clunky old granny-shoes, and she wasn't a fun-person like other mothers, in fact whe was like a granny.
I was not allowed any independence. I was told what to wear, and marvelled when my friend was idly wondering what dress she would choose tomorrow, knowing that I had no choice. My mother saw it as her duty to provide and decide, because that is what mothers did in her day.
As a teenager, if I went out with a boy, my mother would be out in the street looking for me when she thought I was due home. She embarrassed me as no other kid's mother did. And this was because she was of an older generation, and even in the 1950s there was no need for the many embarrassing incidents which amuse me now, but they certainly didn't at the time.
Perhaps not all children are as sensitive as I was. Hopefully the child of this particular woman will be able to accept more easily a situation that I had a hard time dealing with.
The generation gap may be smaller now than it was then, but I tell you, I feel so sorry for that baby, born to a woman of 50.
If older women are considering having children, they should give some thought, not to their own selfish wishes, and the ambitions they should have fulfilled years ago, but to the unfortunate child who has to grow up with an ageing mother.
Tags: Old Mother Baby
