CHAPTER 36
1987: Early summer : It was 2 years since Mona had joined our family. It had been an interesting & often times rewarding experience but, it was turning out to be somewhat more than we had bargained for. Looking back, I realize that the one thing I hadn’t taken into consideration at the time of her adoption was that every year one or two of the children graduated to the rank of teenager. My mother’s words often echoed in my ears....”When the children are little, they are small crosses to bear. As they become older, they become BIG crosses to bear!” I hated to admit that she was, perhaps, right but.... The many needs of Mona, Andrew & Shelley were quite clear but raising teenagers is a completely different chapter in the big book of parenting. I had been so busy reading everything I could on blindness, deafness, mental retardation, abused & neglected children... that I had maybe neglected learning more about the special needs of teenagers.
NOTE: I tried writing the following years’ event as a chapter & realized that I just can’t. You will have to forgive me & accept the abbreviated version. At the end, you will understand.
August: One of my daughters is drugged & raped. She ends up pregnant. Since she is living in a family made up mostly of adopted children, she has grown up as a pro-life person like her parents. She is, however, counselled & informed that she may chose to abort, give birth to her child & raise him or her, or put the child up for adoption.
October: Based on my daughter’s decision to keep her child, Den & I begin plans to have a small extension added to our house in order to make room for my daughter & her child. Most local contractors are busy & do not want such a small contract. Finally, we are given the business card of an unknown contractor. Winter is coming fast so when he agrees to do the job, his request of $2,500.00 to start the work seems okay. To make a long story short ...; he took our money & ran. L
1988: May: Our first grandson is born.
1989-1990: My elderly father & my eldest sister are both very ill.
&nb sp; Even though Mona is in a special class at school, the staff has a very hard time controlling her outbursts. She repeatedly throws & pushes things. She rips the clothes off her own body. Even though she always leaves with her hair neatly combed; she comes back home with ever braid undone & all barrettes missing. Needless to add... we soon went to a nice short style!
‘Becoming a woman!’ When this milestone event occurs in the life of our daughters, most mothers (so I’m told) have the same mixed emotions that I had when my older girls started their menstruations. Our little girls are on their way to womanhood. The cycle of life is beautiful & as women, we look to our daughters & see in their eyes our future grand children. But on the other hand, we see their childhood innocence dissolving. Our baby girl is no longer a baby.
When I discovered that Mona, at the early age of 11, had started her periods, there was only one emotion & it wasn’t a happy one. Unlike the other sighted girls, Shelley, & now Mona could not see the first little telltale stains & be alerted to wear a pad. And so, that dreaded time of the month became a time of augmented laundry, discarded clothes & linens & a constant battle with Mona to ‘leave things in place!’
Wanting to be more independent, 2 of our daughters, who were now attending university decided to move out of our home & into an apartment closer to the university. Rosanna is becoming quite aggressive & rude in her manner & rebellious in her behaviour. She refuses to cooperate in any way with Den. Her insolent ways are becoming very difficult to deal with.
The boys were getting into their own share of trouble ... frustrating, disappointing stuff but nothing we couldn’t handle with discussions & groundings! I especially enjoyed it when one of the boys was grounded. As contrary & evasive & obnoxious as he could be at times, once grounded, he was an absolute sweetheart! He would follow me around the house, chatting away about all sorts of things. He would volunteer to do dishes, sweep floors..... He was like a completely different guy! A most lovable one too! Maybe those frequent groundings & the time he spent in the kitchen with me helped to contribute to the culinary skills that he displays today! LOL!
Christmas Day 1990: The table is set. Everyone is anxiously waiting for the superb supper that I’m preparing to be served. There are 17 of us for Christmas dinner... Just as I started bringing some of the dishes to the table, Mona walked in & became upset over something. She had signed for juice & I signed for her to wait. WAIT is a 4 letter word for many children. It especially was for Mona. In a fit of anger, she grabs one of the dishes & throws it against the wall! I watch, dumfounded, as the contents of the plate splatter all over the wall & the plate then crashes to the floor. Merry Christmas!
1991: It has become quite obvious that I can no longer cope with Mona. She has become the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. I am becoming a very anxious & depressed person. I find myself crying in despair many times... wondering what will become of us! I dread getting up in the morning. I softly cry myself to sleep at night. In an effort to salvage our crumbling marriage & family, we appeal for & get more respite time. Every so often, Mona goes to a group home for a weekend so we can spend more quality time with those children who are still at home. Although we have outside workers who come & work one on one with Andrew & Mona on the weekends, it is just not enough. We can’t afford a maid or a cook. Den & I are responsible for everything!
April: Mona has gone to a respite home for the weekend. Ahhh! I am so relieved. I KNOW I made a TERRIBLE mistake when I insisted we adopt Mona.
“Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa!” (And if you don’t know this Latin expression. It means By my fault. By my fault. Entirely by my fault!)
On the second day that Mona is away, the telephone rings. It is the hospital calling. Mona has been involved in an accident at the group home; could we get to the hospital right away! This is, in a nutshell, what occurred... A staff member at the group home was busy making a pot of soup. The large pot of homemade soup sat simmering on a back burner on the stove. Another child was playing on the floor in the kitchen. Mona came in the kitchen. The other child got up from the floor where he had been playing with toy cars, & left the room. Mona signed for a cookie & milk. The staff member who was busy cleaning the counter top told her to wait just a minute.
Upon seeing the hated WAIT sign, Mona (who had enjoyed quite a growth spurt & now stood nearly four feet tall) went to the stove & pulled the boiling hot soup off the stove & onto the floor. The shocked staff member came rushing to rescue Mona but slipped on the soup & fell. Mona, feeling the hot liquid on her feet had jumped up on the counter. The staff member suffered 3rd degree burns to her hand, arm & thigh. Mona had 2nd & 3rd degree burns to her arm & one foot.
I cried & cried. I realized that although I was concerned about Mona’s burns, all I could think of was what if this had happened when that other child had been playing on the floor? Our little grandson often played on the floor at home... what if she inadvertently harmed him, or Andrew? Through tears of despair, I told my husband that I had been wrong... SO VERY WRONG to bring this child into our home. I begged for him to understand & forgive me & told him that I wanted her to leave.
Never, in our wildest dreams had we foreseen that one day, we would be looking at an adoption breakdown. This 8th adoption had caused such a rift in our marriage & in our family that I truly felt that there was no hope for us.
A few days later, another telephone call came & added even more sadness to my breaking heart & soul. My beloved sister, Gloria, had died.
Eve
