|
Viewing 1 - 9 out of 23 Blogs.
Page:
1 |
|
|
ALL Quiet on the Western Groin
I had this angiogram procedure yesterday as my EKG from a stress test showed abnormalities and my cardiologist had to check for a possible blockage in any blood vessels in my heart. I'm fine. Doc said I have the heart of a 20 year old which was great to hear .
I got some post angiogram directions because the catheter had been placed though my groin. ..Among them, No strenuous exercise and even to curtail normal daily routines where I might be bending or lifting or even driving for about 3 days. How the hell is driving strenuous unless I'm carting some elephants to the Big Apple Circus. ? I was even told to avoid stairs. Hey, I'm not walking up the Empire State Building or Statue of Liberty or doing any mountain climbing this week.
I'm not entering any triathlons or going scuba diving, or sumo wrestling, or swinging on the high bars at a local gym. BUT I don't think competitive eating is ruled out. Bon Appetit.
RUDOLPH'S STORMY ENCOUNTER Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had some bouts with body lice and if you ever saw him he'd be bathing in some ice. All of the other reindeers only got venereal disease. They never knew poor Rudolph also was attacked by fleas. Then one stormy Christmas Eve Rudolph ran away. He felt so ashamed that night embarrassed, scorned, and so uptight. Then in some distant forest was heard for miles some hunter's gun. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was now some party's venison.
I started a new hobby over this past summer. With my interest in insects, I've decided to collect the 17 year cicadas . Only problem is that when I continue my hobby, I will be 87.
Federal authorities are investigating the alleged rip-off charges by a juvenile gang in Tombstone, Arizona known as the Clantonite Tykes Their misleading signage only allows for just one ounce of diluted lemonade without a cup (which is an additional 50 cents) ,and each additional ounce is another 25 cents. The Clantonite Tykes have deposited an incredible total of over 1.6 million dollars in the past two summers ,most of the money in pennies in overseas untraceable Swiss bank accounts according to federal investigators. Charges of extortion, use of tainted lemons, misleading the public, and grandchildren larceny are among the charges being investigated by attorney general Merrick Garland.
Who knew? Specially trained species of giant cockroaches (Periplaneta americana) are now being employed by Amazon to work as chauffeurs for some of the top executives across America.
The cockroaches heightened sense of motion and visual acumen make them the perfect species behind the wheel . They never require a tip and can open and close 4 car doors while never leaving their seat. So hat's off to the new breed of drivers.
Now when I think of a bridge I'm driving over, I think of a bridge not by the definition of a pathway over a depression or an obstacle like the dozens of signs I saw on some roads in Pennsylvania coming back to New York the other day. I don't even know I'm riding over a bridge. So no wonder, it's confusing to read these signs that say "Bridge May Be Icy". First of all, there is no bridge...no bridge I can see like bridges in NY. For example, the Verrazzano Bridge, The Brooklyn Bridge, The Mario Cuomo (Tapanzee) Bridge. Those are bridges. But what really irks me is what do they mean by that the "Bridge May Be Icy." Am I supposed to guess? Should I assume it's icy? Why not a sign saying "Bridge May NOT Be Icy," It works both ways you know. this To be or Not to be. Why not a sign saying , "There's a Possibility The Bridge Is Icy".? Now I realize that a sign needs to have a short message. We're driving past it at a fast speed and no time to read a full paragraph as we drive by. .....which leads me to this more accurate sign that says more in just a few words. "..The Bridge Might Be Icy BUT You Won't Know It Until You Drive On It. "
NEW DISEASE CAUSING CONCERN
The CDC has announced an outbreak of chicken feet in 6 states now: New Hampshire, Wyoming, New York, Texas, Nebraska, and Florida. This highly contagious disease , although rarely lethal leaves its victims maimed for life ,essentially ending the sports careers for any existent or hopeful athletes. Chicken feet is caused by the Varicella Zoster virus, the same little guy who infected so many with chicken pox as children. Although, there is no cure, except for feet transplants, and aside from covering up the feet with Michael Jordan sneakers, the CDC recommends trimming your claws, boiling your toes, and then braising or steaming them. This treatment can help in such activities as swimming and scuba diving.
The time has come the walrus said. I agree. The time has come to get to the bottom of some nursery rhyme lingo. I was reading about the life and times of Little Miss Muffet the other day. What the hell is a tuffet? We have chairs and sofas and loveseats and benches and couches but a tuffet? I think not. You don't see any tuffet sales at Macy's or furniture stores AND what's with this curds and whey ? I've never seen that on a menu or on a shelf at a supermarket.
What the hell is a rosie? AND one with rings around it, no less. Is this some kind of a planet like Saturn or are we talking Rosie O'Donnell? Another term I'd like to know why it's thrown into a nursery rhyme is a dell. It's not a computer. It's not the singer, Adele. But some farmer was in the dell. I need to refer to my Oxford and Webster's dictionary to look up a dell and see what this nursery rhyme is talking about.
While I'm at it. Hi Ho the Derrio. WTF is a Derrio? I tried looking that up and the closest thing I could find is a derriere. Hi Ho someone's ass? Is that the image we want to give our little tykes today. I think Mother Goose should think twice before coming out with what might possibly be construed as tales of selaciousness and erotic and indecent material for our latest generation of toddlers.
It's one of the most talked-about holiday traditions, and if you're in need of a unique Valentine's Day gift, the Bronx Zoo in New York has just the thing.
The "Name a Roach" gift package is back, giving you the chance to symbolically name one of the zoo's giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches.
So I've decided to name one of these large cockroaches for my wife after 30 years of marriage and harmony This gift will certainly outlast a box of Russell Stover chocolate .
I had originally planned to name a faint asteroid in the Andromeda galaxy for my wife but I can't imagine a better gift than naming a cockroach for her. I hope she'll be pleased and surprised .The non-stick frying pan I bought her last year still has an imprint of my forehead in it.
Page:
1 |
|
|
|
' xlink:href='%23b'/%3e%3cuse fill='black' filter='url(%23c)' xlink:href='%23b'/%3e%3cpath fill='url(%23d)' d='M3 8.008C3 10.023 4.006 14 8 14c3.993 0 5-3.977 5-5.992C13 7.849 11.39 7 8 7c-3.39 0-5 .849-5 1.008'/%3e%3cpath fill='url(%23e)' d='M4.541 12.5c.804.995 1.907 1.5 3.469 1.5 1.563 0 2.655-.505 3.459-1.5-.551-.588-1.599-1.5-3.459-1.5s-2.917.912-3.469 1.5'/%3e%3cpath fill='%232A3755' d='M6.213 4.144c.263.188.502.455.41.788-.071.254-.194.369-.422.371-.78.011-1.708.255-2.506.612-.065.029-.197.088-.332.085-.124-.003-.251-.058-.327-.237-.067-.157-.073-.388.276-.598.545-.33 1.257-.48 1.909-.604a7.077 7.077 0 00-1.315-.768c-.427-.194-.38-.457-.323-.6.127-.317.609-.196 1.078.026a9 9 0 011.552.925zm3.577 0a8.953 8.953 0 011.55-.925c.47-.222.95-.343 1.078-.026.057.143.104.406-.323.6a7.029 7.029 0 00-1.313.768c.65.123 1.363.274 1.907.604.349.21.342.44.276.598-.077.18-.203.234-.327.237-.135.003-.267-.056-.332-.085-.797-.357-1.725-.6-2.504-.612-.228-.002-.351-.117-.422-.37-.091-.333.147-.6.41-.788z'/%3e%3c/g%3e%3c/svg%3e "j1lvzwm4"){kind=small}