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A WATCHED POT NEVER BOILS
Posted On 02/28/2021 10:36:25
As a student of all the sciences, I decided to examine this proverbial expression to see if it was indeed a fact or fiction. Is this statement saying that a watched pot never boils just a myth.? I needed to further examine this postulate or theorem using the scientific method I had learned in my years of taking courses in the fields of science.
I believe you just can't accept something because somebody says so, ............so I set out a course of action well thought out and planned to once and for all know the answer to this question that has intrigued mankind throughout the millennia.
I placed a pot of water on the stove, sat at a nearby table and watched and stared and waited and waited ..waiting for even a faint whisper of steam or something to confirm this idea which has dumbfounded chefs for centuries...Is it true that a watched pot never boils. ?
Nothing was happening. As I continued my indefatigable gazing at the pot, my wife came into the kitchen about 90 minutes into my scientific investigation. She said to me, "Whatever you're cooking might cook faster if you turned on the stove, "

NOT SO GOOD HUMOR
Posted On 01/24/2021 12:41:20
SOME NOT SO GOOD HUMOR
Here's my story, sad but true
about some ice cream I once knew
It made my taste buds long for more
Now I can't find it in the store,
Turkey Hill and Jack and Jill are mighty fine
and Haagendazs Espresso Chip I can call mine
For Polar Bear and Klondke I would cry
But what I really miss today is Eskimo Pie.
Howard Johnson, Louis Sherry were okay
Carvel Ice Cream Cakes I hope are here to stay
Ben & Jerry I implore don't leave the scene
Or Baskin Robbins, Steve's and Dairy Queen
Frusen Gladge and Schrafts are blasts from my past
Nestles, Bassets, Cold Stone, and Edy's I doubt will last
and though Blue Bunny and Blue Bell won't say goodbye
I still could die for an Eskimo Pie .



CANS AND BOTTLES GONE AWRY
Posted On 12/19/2020 10:07:54
I’ll cash in a few empty cans and bottles in those redemption machines at local supermarkets. But I never carry over bags filled 6 feet high or shopping carts filled with broken, dented, filthy, smelly glass and plastic bottles and cans. Working as a merchandiser in local supermarkets, I see some people, usually the same people, redeeming these items every day. I’ve read they are supposed to be limited to 240 cans or bottles per day but they well exceed that limit, which the stores don’t enforce.
I realize it’s a way of life for some people I see going through public and private garbage cans fishing for every nickel item they can find. Aside from the fact some people stuff odd brands and crushed items into the machines, often breaking or jamming them, what I find sickening and disgusting is to see people putting their mouths on a deflated bottle that they just fished out of a garbage can and trying to blow it up so they can redeem it.
The beer, soda and juice liquids left in shopping carts and in the machines is bad enough, but while I can feel sorry that people apparently need this redemption money to survive, I find many get hostile and won’t stop stuffing the machines for a few seconds to allow me to cash in a handful of items. There’s got to be a better way.


ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE
Posted On 12/02/2020 11:01:05
What's the difference between the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree and turning to a different channel to watch another movie on TV?
One is a flick of a switch. The other is a switch of a flick. !!!!

THANKSGIVING AT GRANDMA'S HOUSE
Posted On 11/25/2020 08:46:37
THANKSGIVING AT GRANDMA'S HOUSE
The day of Thanksgiving
was finally here
but Johnny's grandmother
had a pain in her rear.
She couldn't even open
her recipe book
or prepare any meal
she had wanted to cook.
The pain from her hemorrhoids
was just so severe
she muffled her cries
so Johnny couldn't hear.
Her Motrin did nothing
and the cremes she applied
did little to quell
her deep pain inside.
Her plans for the turkey
little Johnny would eat
was like a rock in the freezer
she dare not reheat.
And then little Johnny
had a wonderful thought
He defrosted a drumstick
his grandmother had bought.
"I think you'l feel better".
he said to his granny
"If you shove this huge drumstick
way up in your fanny".
And just moments later,
came an encouraging word
"My ass feels much better"
is what little Johnny heard.
Then seeing the smile
from his grandma's relief
he opened the frig
and took out a corned beef.

THE CRASH
Posted On 11/24/2020 13:59:45
THE CRASH

This traumatic experience happened to me many years ago. I was probably about 10 years old or younger. What I'm about to tell you happened in Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York. I recall I was sitting very close to my father who was driving our car. I remember I was very excited and happy.
He was driving when suddenly. BOOM. !!!! Our car was hit and I felt shaken up and we were basically stuck in one spot and other cars passing us on both sides. I saw my older brother who could drive alone laughing in another car. I'll get even with him next time I drive in a bumper car.




ONE FLU SHOT OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST
Posted On 10/09/2020 10:43:41
ONE FLU SHOT OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST
Well, I finally got the courage after several nights of sleeplessness and worry and feeling faint to drive to my local CVS (alone, I might add), and get my flu shot this year. The anxiety and night sweats ,weeks of mental torture I endured before summoning up my bravery genes has now been worth it. ...I am proud to say I am a flu shot survivor.
The attractive sexy nymphomaniac flirtatious pharmacist who administered my flu shot handed me a bag of dum dum and tootsie roll lollipops as I received accolades of praise from her to undergo this pernicious ordeal. . She said to go home and treat myself to a big bowl of ice cream with hot fudge and marshmallow toppings.
She didn't cease offering her compliments about my overflowing inner fortitude that enabled me to accomplish this unbelievable feat. She said maybe next year the flu vaccine will be given in a pill form. "Chocolate "I asked, but she didn't know. Several drug companies are working on this pill before next year's flu season she said. Maybe now I can sleep, albeit I've got to prepare mentally for my next trial and tribulation getting my toe nails trimmed and callouses smoothed at my foot doctor.

"WHEN I'M SIXTY FOUR"
Posted On 09/28/2020 09:54:48


WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME WHEN I'M 64?
As a teenager. it seemed being 60 years old was an age far far away, and I recall seeing the show, "Beatlemania". I think with the song, "When I'm 64", that age I'd be old and now on the other side of that number ,the number 70 is dreadful, as my days being 60 something come to a devastating end. Sixty is bad, seventy is worse, and eighty, most likely will require a hearse.
Who says age is just a number. 70 is the new 50. So 80 is the new 60? Using that logic, 100 is the new 80. Hopefully it's not all doom and gloom now. ....But driving on the highway this past weekend, the unwelcome fact has hit me that my speedometer speed is lower than me age unless I'm zooming somewhere like on Route 80 on my excursions to Pennsylvania .
So when I was asked what I want for my birthday , I had to give that question a lot of thought. I need something or someone to help ease this deplorable transition of being in my 70s. I have decided upon a gift for myself that should last the whole year to help get through this depressing time in my life. I want a butler. I want a servant at my beckon call. I want an auto mechanic available 24/7. I don't want a chauffer. I want to drive. If my car has an issue ,I want a replacement ASAP. I'm fine with a Nissan or Hyundai or Toyota. I don't ask for anything fancy.
AND I'd like a 25-30 year old gorgeous sexy social director and itinerary planner who doubles as a conjugal partner. Basically, what I'm saying is I want to do whatever I want to do whenever and wherever I want to and someone else will do what I have to do....all this for just a year. Is that so much to ask?
Furthermore, I want to eat at every possible restaurant I can over the next 365 days unless I choose to eat at home. This goes for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I want to try every gizmo and gadget on the market to see if I really like things like an air fryer or those Nuwave ovens that cook items in many ways with infra-red or ultraviolet or convection or some microwave combination of cooking .I want to know what works best for my taste
. I'll cook myself. I'm not asking for a chef but I want a full array of oils and spices and of course want to try every brand of ice cream. If I'm in the mood for lobster tails and a rib eye steak for breakfast, that's what I want. I want to eat what I want ,when I want ,and where I want. Is that so much to ask? As I said, just for one year so I can adjust to being so old. . YES. These few simple desires are all I want for my birthday. 



BLOCK PARTY FROM HELL
Posted On 09/19/2020 12:59:53


I was STARVING !!! This was absolutely the last block party I was going to attend at a former co-worker and friend of my wife in Hackensack, New Jersey last summer.

. Now we're invited to an end of summer block party next weekend. . I could spend two hours in traffic getting there from our Long Island home. Great.!! Just what I want to do on my day off is sit in traffic and then sit with a bunch of zombies I have no interest in being with. I told my wife that I'm only going if I can bring food and liquor.

Okay-my wife's friend cater to her elderly Jewish parents. I can respect that. They're Kosher-on restricted diets-no problem-but this year put out some other food besides rotten deviled eggs ,cheeses, and salads. I want real food-something I can sink my teeth into. Give me steak, chicken, beef, pork, corned beef-isn't that Kosher enough? My choices shouldn't be limited to baby carrots ,cherry tomatoes, celery, lettuce, and several varieties of unsalted nuts. What am I? a squirrel?

Every other family and friends on the block had platters of cold cuts: humongous heroes filled with sausages, meatballs, turkey, roast beef and veal- even dishes filled with lobster and shrimp. There were grills with hamburgers and hotdogs ,barbecued chicken, and ribs. Beer was flowing out of bottles on every table...except ours !!!

We had borscht,(yucch) and diluted lemonade and iced tea for the little brats that were exploding water balloons all over the table and eating cotton candy from one of the free stands. Hey?? How about a nice porterhouse steak for our table?

Anyway, I told my wife either to get new friends who live on our side of the George Washington Bridge or else I'm bringing some fried chicken and a sausage parmesan hero that I can heat up in her friend's microwave ...for me. AND a 6 pack of Heineken Premium Light . . If my wife hadn't brought Dunkin Donuts and mesquite BBQ potato chips last year, I would have certainly starved.

I'm not going there to stare at low sodium ziti with no sauce and some shrubbery with dressing I'm supposed to think is food. I'm in no way being disrespectful to the elderly Jewish couple but this is not a Passover meal and I'm not Bugs Bunny.!!




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