Two hurricanes are headed to the gulf and will hit Texas within the next three days.  Texans have been through storm preparations many times. If it is going to hit another state, we prepare to take on guests.  If it is going to hit us we prepare to endure without power.  This usually entails neighbors getting together and freezing as much ice as possible.  Those who have generators are usually put in charge of the food.  They can still refrigerate.  Bottled water, cleaning supplies, sand bags, shovels, and plywood over large windows are also done for everyone.

My tale today takes place during the latest preparations.  I need to first let my followers know that the last storm that went through here brought large trees down.  One hit the roof, another hit my fence on one side, yet another yet my fence on the opposite side.  You all know about the one that hit my power line.  That, as they say, is another story.  The result of these trees is a ruined fence.

It is because of this that Precious got out of the yard and is still missing.  I reported it to the various agencies around and posted her picture.  I spotted her picture on another pet finder sight as a found dog that the one posting fell in love with and decided to keep.  With no contact information I could do is leave a message that they had my dog.

This morning, the chief of police, who gave me Precious in 2018 decided to bring me Bella.  Bella is a very sweet brown dog.  She probably weighs in at 35 to 40 pounds and is kind of shy.   I have no idea what breed she is.  She looks to be a lab mix.  She has silky brown fur and is about 24” tall.

The shelter was getting all the animals to homes during the storms.  This is SOP for us.  We might be required to take on standed animals from Houston or any of the towns along the coast  It was easier to do that if we had an empty shelter. I think we still have one or two that were a result of Hurricane Katrina. Hurricane Harvey also brought us a few.  I told the chief I would be glad and happy to take Bella.  If she got along with Sweet Pea she could stay.  He hugged me and, was playing taxi for Oscar and Grammy was squeaking for her ride.  She was sitting on the staircase I built that led to the cat tree on top of the dryer where she and Oscar lived.  Oscar had helped me teach Grammy house manners. Introductions to my two house squirrels would come later.

I had been in the middle of hurricane preparations.  “Jane, are the dogs closed off?”  The voice I knew to be the mother of the three kids I baby sat on several occasions.  I had also worked as a volunteer substitute at the daycare they attended.  I was expecting to see three little girls when I closed the dogs off and entered the living room.  Instead, there was my friend and a big man who was older than me but looked to be a relative.  The family resemblance was obvious.  “I have the girls at home, the senior day care shut down because of a virus scare.  I thought that maybe if you could take care of my pa for a couple of days it would really help me out.  He has been tested and is virus free but he can't be around the kids right now.  They are going back and forth to school.  Between flu season, the virus and all the hurricane prep I just need to get things situated before he comes to stay.  Please tell me yes.”

I had noticed that the guy was looking around the house but not saying anything.  He had a nice look on his face.  He seemed quiet and shy.  “Does he like TV?  What shows does he like?  Does he have any diet restrictions?  Anything I need to know?”

“Well, Jane, he is a recovering alcoholic.  He has been sober for about two years now.  He is hard of hearing and wears a hearing aid when he remembers to put it in.  He is very nice when you get to know him.  Do you have any booze in the house?”

“No, I have no booze, although I would drink it right now if I did.” I chuckled.  “He will be okay here, I hope he likes fur people.”

 She replied, “He does but he is more of a cat person so I guess he will have to adjust.”  She gave me a hug, her pa a hug, then left.

When I woke up this morning I had one cup of coffee before Belle's arrival.  I had just remembered that.  I went to the kitchen and got another cup along with a cup for my guest.  I put the two cups, sugar and creamer, and the coffee pot on a tray and carried it to the living room.  My guests grinned and clapped his hands.  It seemed to fit the bill.

"I am Jane.  I am glad to meet you, Ralph."

"Out, I don't want to go out.  Thanks for the java.  No, I am not in pain."  He apparently was having problems with his hearing aid.  I thought to myself this had just taken a different turn.  My father had been deaf so I had learned from an early age to speak loudly and distinctly when necessary.  I spoke up, "I want to introduce you to Sweet Pea and then you can watch TV."

"No, I don't wanta pee.  Show me where the head is though, I might need to do it later."  With that he got up and opened the bedroom door before I could stop him.  Sweet Pea came bounding into the room with Oscar on his back.  Ralph's mouth flew open.  "Hell's bells, lady... she is a big one."  Then he suddenly looked away.  He looked back at Sweet Pea and then looked away.  He quietly stepped back, shut the door, and sat back down in the living room.  He poured himself another cup of coffee and sat in the chair, not looking at me, but starring at the floor.  I asked myself... what on earth could be wrong?  "I have some peach preserves if you want some biscuits."

"Lady, I can reach all I need to reach.  I know the head is around that curve and I don't do rum anything.  It has nothing to do with risk, just personally preference.  Now, Please let me just sit a minute."

I decided I would go and secure the animals and then come back to Ralph.  I once again opened the door and then closed it behind me.  I knew I was going to have to introduce Bella and Sweet Pea first so I could put Ralph in the front bedroom.  I called Sweet Pea who had deposited Oscar on the steps to the cat tree.  I went into the office and slowly cracked the door so the two girls could smell each other and only see a little bit.  Wagging tales told me all would be well......little did I know.........I was wrong.

Bella wanted to play.  Sweet Pea is old... she only plays with squirrels.  Sweet Pea did a deep guttural growl and backed Bella away.  Bella barked and wiggled at both ends trying to coax Sweet Pea.  Sweet Pea's response, "Go away, kid, I just ain't in the mood."  The bark had alerted Oscar and sure enough he came scampering into the room, Bella's ears perked up, she barked again and started the chase.  Oscar ran straight to Sweet Pea.  Sweet Pea lowered her long nose allowing Oscar to hop onto her snout, up her head, resting on her back.  Sweet Pea stamped her feet and barked back at Bella.  I came between the two girls and scooped up Oscar.  I shouted, "NO."  Everyone suddenly stopped and looked at me.  I was holding Oscar up high. I stroked him as I talked to Bella.  Bella was thrilled to meet anyone she just did not know we had indoor squirrels.  She also did not know chasing squirrels was not allowed.  I sat on the edge of the bed and allowed Bella to approach Oscar.  She licked him then instantly started jumping and barking.  "Let chase."  Again, I shouted, "NO."  Suddenly the door opened.  Ralph shouted at me, "I was just going to taste the stuff you don't have to get all huffy about it." 

"Oh, Ralph, I am so sorry."  I tried to continue explaining but suddenly Ralph closed the door.  I put Oscar back in the cat tree and then cracked the door and saw Ralph once again sitting in the chair staring at the floor.  I went back to the Bella and Sweet Pea who were now on opposite sides of the bed on the floor, looking around the corner at each other.  Both were panting.  Sweet Pea was upset because she always goes into the front bedroom to lay under the AC to take her nap.  She stretches out across the whole double bed.  Now the door to that room was closed.  So far this day had been somewhat odd to say the least.

I truly felt that success could be achieved it I could get Ralph in front of the TV with a remote.  I could then fix him something to eat and he would relax a bit.  Apparently he liked the smell of the pasta sauce so that was good.  Getting through to him while introducing fur people is a disaster waiting to happen. I finally decided to bite the bullet.

I went into the living room.  I did not say a word to him.  I took him by the hand to lead him to the bedroom.  I opened the front bedroom door.  He took one step inside and stepped back.  "Hay, lady, you are nice but... please.. I just can't."  I started to laugh.  Imagine him thinking I was putting the moves on him.  God help me, I thought.  I put up both my hands, and said, "You can rest in here if you wish.  I will hook up the TV."  He followed my finger as I pointed to the TV sitting beside the bed on the floor.  "I want you to the hook it up."  I shouted.  "Lady, look I told you.. I can't get anything UP so stop offering me the damn bed.  It ain't gonna happen."  I started laughing.  The poor man had completely misunderstood me.  Makes me wonder what his mind was on when he was staring at the floor.  I threw my hands in the air, walked over to the TV and picked it up.  I shouted, "HOOK IT UP?"  He grinned and took it from me and proceeded to set it up.  I decided I could check on the dogs while he was doing that.  Then I thought for a minute.  I decided maybe I could make him understand.  I waited till he got it setup then physically turned his face to mine.  I motioned to his ear.  And then did a thumps up sign, then a sign like I was turning a screw followed by another thump pointing up.  He immediately played with the hearing aid on his ear and turned it up.  Dah!!  He did not know it was down.  I said, "Can you hear me now?"

"Sure, Lady, I can hear you just fine.  I laughed and sighed a big sigh.  I have been shouting trying to make you understand me.  I knew you had your hearing aid but for some reason you still could not hear me.  My daddy, also wore one, and he used to turn it off when he was napping or sleeping to conserve the battery."

"That is what I do too.  I had taken a nap just before we came here.  Sorry.  I could not figure out why you were a little persnikety.  Actually, I was beginning to think you were a nincompoop but thought I would just play it quiet."  He grinned.

"I was trying to tell you that you can lay down in here if you want and watch TV.  I have a bigger screen in the other room but that is where the dogs are."  I noticed a sigh of relief come over his face.  I told him to make himself comfortable and I would be back with some lunch in just a little bit.  I have some pasta sauce on the stove. I hope that will be okay.

I went back to Bella and Sweet Pea.  Grammy squealed for a taxi.  Ralph came running into the bedroom.  Sweet Pea jumped up and ran to lick his hand, Bella ran to the laundry room (the door was open) and started barking at the two squirrels now squealing on top of the cat tree on top of the dryer.  Ralph shouted, "Oh, God, not again.  Sweet Pea ran to rescue the squirrels, she got to the dryer just in time for Ralph to see both Oscar and Grammy jump on her back and then race back through the door and into the front bedroom.  Ralph, is holding his hands on either side of his head and shouting not again.  His eyes are squeezed shut. He is actually crying.  The squirrels are squeaking, Bella and Sweet Pea are both barking, Ralph is shouting..."Not Again."

I stomped my foot.  I was not going to allow this to get me discombobulated. I decided that I could not do one thing to stop what was happening so.... I sat down on the edge of the bed and turned on the TV.  I turned it up as loud as I could.  I just caught the news announce, "Hurricane update alter."  I flipped it to a recording of Gunsmoke.  Suddenly, Ralph stopped shouting, the squirrels stopped squealing, Bella stopped barking.  Ralph sat down in the chair in front of the TV, Sweet Pea came into the room with the two squirrels on her back.  Ralph, squeezed his eyes and started crying.  "What is wrong, Ralph?"  I touched his shoulder.

When I was drying out long time ago I had illusions.  I could really see things that were not there.  I saw snakes and scary things.  "Jane.. " He whispered as if the dogs were going to hear him, "I see squirrels."

I started laughing.  I got up and said, "Ralph, of course you do.  I have two pet squirrels."  His eyes got big and he looked again Sweet Pea, then at Oscar then at Grammy.  He sighed.  He put his hand out.  Oscar scampered up his arm to his elbow and then started chatting.  I translated, "He is introducing you to his wife, Grammy."

"How do you do, Grammy?"  Ralph seemed to take great delight in talking to the residents.  Bella came in the room and started to bark at the squirrels.  Ralph put up one finger, and said "No shenanigans."  Bella stopped instantly.  Ralph held Oscar and let Bella sniff him.  Then he stroked Oscar and talked softly to Bella.  He put Oscar on his leg and then stroked them both.  "Look, Jane... no hands."  I laughed.   Ralph was laughing.  He was thrilled to find out his illusions were real.  I felt safe enough to leave Ralph in charge of the fur people while I got lunch ready.

I did not realize I would be gone so long.  Ralph had apparently decided to nap while he waited.  I peeked into the front bedroom.  He had Sweet Pea on one side, Bella on the other and two squirrels curled up on his chest.

I decided to close the door and go have another cup of coffee.

Lunch could wait.   

Tags: Humor