This story actually begins in another story, There Is Someone At The Door. The Chief of Police had come by to ask me to volunteer as a substitute teacher for a group of children. My car battery was dead so I accepted the assignment with the agreement that he would arrange transportation for the three days I would need to be at the school. He agreed. I thought at the time that me being picked up by a police car for three days might raise some eyebrows in the neighborhood. I was right.
Now, you must understand I have one neighbor who is considered the town gossip. If you want to know what is going on in town you just have to say, "Hello" to her. She will start filling you in. She does not check out any facts she just tells you what she thinks is going on based on what she actually saw.
As an example: Last year my sweet pit bull, Freddie, was hit by a truck and had to be put down because of his injuries. The Chief of Police had to be notified and we had to get permission to put Freddie down. The Chief was at a city council meeting. My house is within walking distance of City Hall so I crashed the meeting. Before it was over the entire city council was in my front yard and attended Freddie's funeral. I cried all night.
Then the next morning the Chief of Police showed up at my front door with Precious on a leash. Precious is a sweet pit bull, about six years old, who's owner had died. The lady fostering her was on the city council. She and the Chief got together and decided I would be a good candidate to adopt her. They were right. The only problem I had was that... well... Freddie played with toys and Precious ate them. She had devoured every one of Freddie's toys by early evening. I did not know what to do. She wanted to play and I wanted to bond with her. I did not dare leave her in the house alone while I went to get more toys. Then I thought about Frisbee. I bet she would love chasing something like that. Then I spotted the huge stack of paper plates I had not yet opened. I took them one at a time and tossed them across the yard. She chased each one down and delightfully tore it up. Then headed back for another. She finished off the entire stack. She slept with me that night (and every night since) but by the next morning there was confetti all over my yard. I decided I was going to need more paper plates and a rake. Off to Dollar General. I felt sure Precious would be secure until I got back.
This is where I met my neighbor, the Queen of the gossips. I overheard her telling another lady in line about the new widow in town. "The police have been at her house for at least two hours last night. Then this morning she had confetti all over her yard. I bet that was some party." I resolved that situation by inviting her to the next party. She was shocked when I told her she would have to bring her own paper plates.
The only reason I am telling you this is that I knew with the Chief picking me up for 3 days I would need to set the record straight on what ever the Queen had been telling others. To accomplish this task I decided to have a small dinner party. I had asked the neighbor to do me a favor earlier this week so that I would have an excuse to invite her. I had invited the Chief of Police, his wife, and the Queen. I felt it would be a good way to say thank you for all their help as well. Two birds, one stone ... you know the drill on that one.
I had prepared a wonderful baked chicken stuffed with pepperoni and three cheeses and topped off with an Italian tomato sauce. It was like having chicken pizza without the crust. Anyway, I had a tossed salad and baked potatoes. I had fixed banana pudding for desert and was very happy when everything came out on time. My guests had arrived and we were all seated at the table. We all heard the click and turned to look....
Oscar, a squirrel I had fostered when his mother got killed, opened the front door and let himself in. He scampered over to the table and ch-erupt at the Queen. She was the only one at the table he did not know. Everyone's mouths were wide open as they watched Oscar scamper up the poor woman's leg, jump to the table and ch-erupt at her again. Then as every one let out the breath they had been holding... Oscar snatched piece of the garlic bread I had on the table and dipped it in the Queen's dinner. He sat there and stared at her, eating and ch-erupting. The Chief had already met Oscar and knew the story behind him. Just as I started to pick Oscar up to pop him outside he scampered back down the leg of the table this time, ran to the doggy door and invited in another raccoon. The raccoon was wild and ran everywhere. I glanced at the Chief. He instantly grabbed one of my boxes I had set aside for the burn barrel and put it over the raccoon.
He then got on his cell phone and had an officer bring a caring cage while he sat there with his foot on the box so the raccoon could not escape. The Queen was still dumb founded... I went to pop Oscar back outside through the doggy door when Sweet Pea, my ancient gray hound, bounded into the room. She was delighted to finish off the poor woman's plate before giving her a, "Hello," kiss...right in the mouth.
Everyone was laughing, (thank goodness), as I ushered Precious, Sweet Pea and popped Oscar out the doggy door then raced to the front door to lock it. We all sat in silence when we heard a tap, tap, tap, on the front door. We all burst into laughter at once. I simple said... would anyone like desert? The Queen said, "Jane there is no way anyone will believe me."
The rest of the evening went perfectly. The chief and his officers took care of the raccoon and Oscar was out for the night. We played Pictionary and had a blast. The Queen turned out to have a wonderful sense of humor. I can hardly wait to find out what I have been doing the next time I go to the grocery store. I know she will find a way to tell about, Jane's dinner party.
Tags: Home Life Humor
