On the news today I saw a story about a woman who celebrated her birthday by jumping out of a plane.  She was one hundred and two.  Then I remembered my grandmother's older sister, Lilly, celebrating her birthday when she was also one hundred and two.

Lilly, was a real hoot.  She wore a bussell because she did not have much of a bottom.  I used to get a kick out of watching her turn her back to a mirror, then hold another mirror up so she could see what she looked like from behind.  She would always swish her hips to make sure her bussell was held tight. She loved wearing feathers in her hat.  Always a hat in church.  Lilly, like my grandmother, enjoyed life, laughter and family.  She had outlived your husband and two of her children.  She had taken a fall during a shopping trip.  The fall had broken her hip.  She seemed to always be in good health so was not familiar with going to doctors and especially hospitals.

Her doctor, her surgeon, found out his patient was one hundred and two.  She was the oldest patient for which he had ever operated.  The hospital also found out that at that time she had been named the oldest living person in the county.  Because of this distinction her doctor sent her a huge bouquet of flowers along with a huge box of candy and of course a beautiful card.

Lilly, in her bed jacket that was peach colored with lace all over it sat in her hospital bed chatting with family when the gifts arrived.  She was so surprised.  Instantly, she grabbed a mirror and checked her lipstick and mascara. She demanded someone comb her hair and bring her ear rings.  She admired the flowers and offered everyone a piece of her candy.

She chatted about how long it had been since she had caught the eye of a man.  Everyone looked at her.  We realized she thought the doctor was courting her.  She insisted upon all her frilly things be brought to the hospital.  She had rouge on her cheeks and a spark in her eye that was a warning to everyone that mentally she was in never, neverland.

Now, her doctor had no idea all this had taken place before he came by to see her.  He came in all grins.  He took her by the hand and kissed the back of it.  He had no idea he was sealing her belief that he was smitten.  She started asking him about his wife and children.  She absolutely squealed when he said he was a widower and his children were grown.   The squeal scared him and he immediately checked her heart.  I had to giggle inside.  He had no idea what was going on in that sweet little pointed head of hers.  She chatted and chatted about him all after... long after he left.

She got on the phone and summoned my grandmother to the hospital.  When my mom and grandmother arrived, Lilly asked my mother to wait in the hall.  She had something private to discuss with her sister.  We  settled into chairs.  We were informed that she had decided to have an affair with her doctor.  She had decided not to marry but to have an affair.  My grandmother's mouth flew open. "Lilly, does your doctor know what you are planning?"

"He sure does.  He said we had a date later tonight.  He said it would change my world.  He kissed my hand.  He gave me flowers."  She curled a strand of hair around her finger and let it go loose.  She then smiled back at Grandmother and me as we sat there listening.  "He knows alright."

"Lilly, he is talking about your hip."

"I did not tell him about my hip.  I know he is younger than me, Hell, dirt is younger than me.  I think we should get to know one another.  I think that is what courtships are for. Do you?  He is a real gentleman.  He will do things properly.  He was so sweet when he kissed the back of my hand.  And so gentle when he spoke to me.  Did you see the flowers he sent me?  He is smitten all right.

Grandmother shook her head.  I shook my head.  We both decided that arguing with Lilly was a waste of time.  All we could do is be there when she came back with a hip and no date.

We spent the afternoon getting her ready for her "date".  When the nurses came in with a rolling bed, she said, "See, he sent a car for me."  They rolled her off with lipstick, rough, powder, mascara and false eye lashes all in place.  Pastel bed shawl and a flower in her hair.

Time passed.  She came back in without any makeup on, in a hospital gown, and a fixed hip.  She started waking up while we were trying to get her back into one of the bed jackets but only had half of it on her.  We were so afraid she would become too depressed.

We sat there almost breathless waiting for reality to hit her in the face.

Suddenly, her eyes popped open.  She looked at herself half in a bed jacket.  She started laughing.  Grandmother got up and stroked her forehead.  "You okay, Lilly?"

"Sure, Remember... I have had an affair with my doctor.  Look at me.  I say, he sure did not leave much.  But, guess what?  My hip stopped hurting."  She smiled and laid back in her pillow.  We were never able to convince her she did not have an affair with her doctor.  She even turned red in the face every time she saw him after that.  I am not sure we ever told the doctor what it was all about either.

She passed when she was one hundred and six.  She reminded herself frequently about the affair she had with her doctor.  Somehow her straight laced life needed to remember the first time she had ever been naughty.

My grandmother asked me to find out what drugs she was on because when her time came she wanted plenty on hand.

Tags: Aging Humor Memories