After visiting with friends that lived across the street I decided to go home for a quiet evening alone.

My drive way was covered with acorns that had fallen from the trees that surround my little house on the lake. I made it through all the marbles on my drive, up my steps, and across the porch just fine, no problems. I came through the front door and faced instant chaos.

The fur people were all over my feet, Baby Girl was tugging at one arm while Freddie tugged at the other. Ashley, the cat, laid on the pillow on the sofa, looked up, meowed as if to say, "Oh, its just you."  Sweet Pea was stretched out across the sofa sound asleep.

Thank God I had not been drinking.

With my dog's help, I made a very drunken style walk across the living room floor only to land in the kitchen, in the water pan that had been moved. The house was really in good shape, after leaving them inside while I was gone. But, the booby traps did not end with the moving of the water pan.

I sat down the sack in my hand on the kitchen table and headed for the bathroom. I was looking down, trying to untangle my feet from Freddie and headed straight into the kitchen chair that had been moved into the bathroom, on its side, on the floor. The dogs were so thrilled that once again I was joining them on the floor. I carried the chair back into the kitchen.

I mopped up the water that had spilled from the moved water pan. I then put away the mop. I made myself a large glass of ice coffee and headed for the sofa. I could not find the remote. I looked everywhere. I finally found it behind the big green chair. I have no idea how it got there. The batteries where much easier to spot, they were in the bottom of the water pan. I found dry batteries, put the remote back together, and once again proceeded towards the sofa.

I set my glass down on the little table, clicked the TV on and started to sit down. I nudged Sweet Pea off the sofa, as she stepped on my foot tripping me which caused me to land right on top of the pile of knuckle bones that Freddie had gathered and put Ashley in charge of guarding. I was trying to persuade Ashley to surrender "the pillow" by letting her know I had brought home fresh cat food.

While I was up moving the bones, I shook the sack, opened it, and took a handful of the little morsels and placed them in her bowl, on the table. She looked at me and said, "No, Thanks; I ate just before you came in-- I'll check it out in a little while." I replied, Ashley, MOVE!

She yawned, stretched her body across the entire pillow and closed her eyes. Not wanting to be the loser in this argument, I physically lifted her body and took it to the table. I went back, claimed my pillow, and clicked on the channel I wanted to watch.

I should have watched Ashley instead. She had proceeded to dangle her paws over the edge of the table and make little meow sounds. I did not pay any attention because she is always talking about something. I was sure she was just giving me another argument about the pillow, complaining about the food, or something else I did not care about.

She got Freddie so excited, he jumped on the table. Cat food went every where. The dogs are now frantic trying to gobble up as much as they can. I yell, jump up and run to the kitchen to catch the table before it falls sideways as Freddie is jumping off. I get everything cleaned up. I looked for Ashley to make sure she is was all right.

I found her, she is back on the pillow stretched out playing possum.

I grabbed the pillow, went to the other end of the sofa, changed the channel on the TV and drank about half my coffee down. Ashley just kept sleeping---- right.

I noticed that during the confusion that the two Baby Girl and Freddie had stolen one bone each from Sweet Pea's pile. I was settling in to watch TV when Sweet Pea decided to recollect her bones. Since the other dogs were eagerly working on one each it was interesting to see how she was going to handle it. She all of a sudden started barking and ran to the back door. Both bone thieves rushed out the doggy door, into the night. She quietly walked back to the bones and moved them back to the sofa with the others.

My evening, I thought was finally going to quiet down.

The two dogs came bursting into the house. They were invigorated from the cold and ready to rumble. They rumbled right into my little table. My half glass of ice coffee simple slipped to its side while depositing its contents across my lap. I yelled and jumped up at the same time.

The dogs were so startled, they instantly ran between my legs and once again we all got to celebrate me getting on the floor with them. I braced myself on the sofa to pull myself back up.

Freddie decided since I was busy, it was a good time to check out the "sleeping cat". He jumped in the middle of Ashley, she jumped on my head, and we all once again sat in the floor.

By that time the dogs were the only ones thrilled about the idea of me being on the floor. I had not been able to do the splits since drill team. I do not recommend it to those who have been declared "disabled".

I had one sip of water left on the other little table. I used it to take two pain pills and two potassium tablets. I realized I had pulled a ham string and my leg was really going into a bad cramp.

While I was cleaning up, Freddie opened the back door again and Ashley went out. I tried to stretch out on the sofa, but the ham string hurt too bad. So, I decided to sit up for a while and watch TV. I had recorded a wonderful little Christmas movie earlier. Everyone got quiet and we started to watch the movie.

My friend, Travis, knocked on the front door. Once again chaos ensued. He had seen a lot of commotion and heard me yell when he was out letting his dog do his business. He came by to see if I was all right. I tried to click off the TV quickly so we could talk for a minute and I hit the wrong button. I had gotten a second of Animal Planet before the TV went blank. Baby Girl loves Animal Planet and starts barking the minute she hears it. The rest of the group instantly join her and they sit as a gang stalking prey in front of the TV. If I turn it off before a commercial comes on, all sitting in front of a blank TV screen and instantly the barking starts all over again.

Travis gave up trying to talk and left. The dogs are watching Animal Planet; Ashley is out for the evening; and I'm in here, now having a quiet evening.

I should have believed my fortune cookie at the restaurant. It said, "Chaos is easy to overcome if you keep your sense of humor." You think if I laugh myself to sleep it would help?

How was your evening? I'll let you go. Thanks for listening.  My fur people keep my sense of humor in tact which guarantees a successful retirement.

Tags: Pets Retirement Home Memories